Feeling Unattractive

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2005
Feeling Unattractive
12
Wed, 07-14-2010 - 8:31am
My DH and I have been married now 10 years - have a beautiful 8 year old daughter, both have good jobs, etc.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2009
Wed, 07-14-2010 - 10:05am
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2005
Wed, 07-14-2010 - 1:00pm
Thank you that does make me feel better I knew I wasn't the only one out there.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Wed, 07-14-2010 - 1:16pm
...I think you should make the easy changes first and see what happens...lose weight...tone up...become the healthiest you that you can be...invite your husband to join you...that's an easy fix...I do have a question or two...is this a new change?...has he suddenly became LL?...has he always had a lower libido?...did he used to initiate?...
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2005
Wed, 07-14-2010 - 3:27pm
You did make me remember this is not a new problem - it's been there ever since we were married.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Wed, 07-14-2010 - 3:47pm

I just want to add my 2 cents here. It is not anyone else's job to make you feel attractive. If you don't feel attractive, there's nothing anyone will be able to do to convince you for more than a few hours that you are. If you feel unattractive, work on it. Find a way.

I have this problem with my DH. He looks to me to "fix" everything that is missing in him. He doesn't feel attractive, he doesn't feel masculine, he doesn't feel useful, and on and on and on. It's a never ending hole though. Even if I do something to convince him, it's temporary, and it's like a drug, what works this time, won't work the next, it'll take even more, bigger efforts, grander gestures. Ultimately if you aren't happy with you, then you need to work on you. Don't make it someone else's fault or responsibility.

roo and snowy siggie
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2008
Wed, 07-14-2010 - 4:09pm
This is often mentioned as words of wisdom in ML situations and I do not disagree. I can't ask my partner to make me feel attractive in general. But I can ask him to make me feel like HE is attracted to me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Wed, 07-14-2010 - 4:22pm

>>I can't ask my partner to make me feel attractive in general. But I can ask him to make me feel like HE is attracted to me.<<

Yes, but if you are using the latter to act like a band-aid for the former, you are teetering on the brink of disaster. Which is where my DH stands daily. It's no wonder nothing I can do is good enough, he doesn't think he's worthy, so there's no convincing him.

roo and snowy siggie
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Wed, 07-14-2010 - 8:26pm
...just a thought...fitness is free...dollars wise...and, can be fit into your day...you'll feel better about yourself...and, then you can work from there...
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2005
Thu, 07-15-2010 - 8:30am
My 2 cents back - I do think you owe it to your partner to try to make them feel good - absent that it invites affairs - makes them vulnerable to the many low lifes who thrive on starting affairs just for the joy of causing another problems.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Thu, 07-15-2010 - 11:08am
...are you the OP?...sorry if I confused you with someone else...I thought the OP wrote that she was overweight...my bad...as for the affair/husband thing...my first husband did have extra marital sex after spending 6 years of our marriage with me...and, I absolutely take 50% of the blame...

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