Fighting & No Intimacy - HELP!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2010
Fighting & No Intimacy - HELP!
29
Sun, 08-15-2010 - 4:40pm

I am at my last wits end with my marriage!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Mon, 08-16-2010 - 2:52am

My wife and I have been arguing more intensely since both of our children have moved out - within the past year.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2008
Mon, 08-16-2010 - 2:55am

Firstly - Call her out on reading a book. Find a relationship rescue book which you think is suitable for your particular situation (someone on this board may have a couple of suggestions), buy two copies and read it together.

Other than that, you mention a number of things. The lack of perfume and BO is not related. I never wear perfume, but I smell clean and fresh every day, because I shower every day and I wear a deodorant. How often does your wife shower or wash thoroughly? Does she wear an antiperspirant?

Her behaviour when your family was coming over can be due to a number of things. Perhaps she simply is just lazy and selfish. Or maybe she was harbouring feelings about the planned visit that she didn't know how to communicate? Did you talk about the episode afterwards? What did she say?

As for the hair parting... What can I say... Let her wear her hair the way she prefers it? It seems like a minor detail to me. The fact that she didn't change her hair based on your opinion, does not mean she is doing it to spite you. Perhaps she simply wants it parted to the side.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Mon, 08-16-2010 - 8:20am
...I don't have words of wisdom...I just wanted to write that the OP reminds me of my husband...after 8 long years of sexual starvation everything about me bothered him...one of the funniest (saddest) was that when he got into the shower and ran the water, bubbles came up from the drain briefly sending him into a rant that I used too much shower gel and shampoo...or, when eating a Lean Cuisine, I would eat all of the broccoli out of the vegetable portion yet leave the little strips of carrots...(probably about 5 or 6 match sticks of carrots) and he would rant and rave about my wasteful side...I've never felt it, but sexual starvation must suck to a person who bonds from sexual/emotional intimacy...I love to talk and walk and enjoy watching the boys in their many activities or just around the house/lake fishing...whatever...I can't imagine how I would feel if my husband simply stopped sitting with me or talking with me or walking with me and just cut off our interaction to "business only"...I bet I'd be devastated...
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2010
Mon, 08-16-2010 - 8:05pm





my_toy,


Do you think our situation has lost hope?


In regards to the lack of intimacy, she says that it's hard to be close to someone that criticizes her.


We have bathed together on rare occasions.


But, what about all the times in between?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2010
Mon, 08-16-2010 - 9:14pm

"What's wrong with expecting a woman to wear perfume?"


I guess it's that you expect it. Has she ever worn perfume? If not, then why would you expect her to suddenly begin to wear perfume? Do you wear cologne for her?


Many women and men are sensitive to the heavy scents and chemicals in many perfumes, they can trigger migraines ect.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2010
Mon, 08-16-2010 - 9:28pm

She used to wear when we were dating and first married.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Mon, 08-16-2010 - 9:53pm
...I don't think cologne will help...I think deodorant/antiperspirant is the way to go...and, a shower, of course...I dated a guy from Vicenza for just a very short bit in college, he didn't (in true Continental fashion) wear a deodorant...all of the showers and cologne in the world helps...
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2008
Tue, 08-17-2010 - 4:22am

Completely agree with you. A perfume will just mix with the BO. Perhaps it will cover up the problem for a short amount of time, but it doesn't mean she is any cleaner/fresher.

Regular shower/washes and an antiperspirant is the way to go, definitively.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Tue, 08-17-2010 - 5:20am
...thanks for helping me out on that one...I left the most important word out...all of the showers and cologne in the world won't help!!!...
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Tue, 08-17-2010 - 7:50am

And if he's being hypercritical of her because of other problems in their relationship, no amount of bathing, perfume or changed hairstyles will matter, he'll just find other things to criticize.

roo and snowy siggie

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