Formula for a happy marriage?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Formula for a happy marriage?
2
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 11:28am
Okay. I have a theory. I think that if each partner in a marriage understands their spouse's goals and priorities ... and works to meet them ... you have a pretty happy marriage. (Easier said than done, I know.) It's being directed at your partner that counts.

People here keep talking about "compromising" on sex. I'm not sure that's how we should look at things. Sex doesn't exist in a vacuum. I think the high libido-low libido "clash" is often just a reflection of different priorities. Couples have to compromise on all sorts of things. This is just one piece of the puzzle.

If partner A is getting his top three needs met, and partner B is getting her top three needs met--both are going to be happy. But who says those needs are going to be the same?

(No jokes, now, about trading "sex" for more help around the house.)

I mean, this doesn't have to be crass.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2003
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 11:31am
I agree with the theory, to a point.

What happens when the number one need I have is to have frequent sex and the number one thing on my DH's list is to be left alone except for twice a week. How can both needs be met at that point?

Jen

Jen
Avatar for debthree
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 3:34pm
This makes a lot of sense.

And I agree, sex is just *one* part of the overall picture. Bottom line it is *one* need and even at that, it's often not a priority need for both partners.

I like the idea of focussing on your partner's top three needs and I think the key is not so much satifying the other person's needs but TRYING YOUR BEST to satisfy them. The effort, more than the actions themselves, make marriage worthwhile.