Found a high - libido guy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2006
Found a high - libido guy
Tue, 02-18-2014 - 11:33pm

i haven't been on here in a few years. I got divorced to a guy who had no interest in me whatsoever. Sexual or any other way.  i have been dating a guy for almost 5 years who is completely the opposite.

the problem though : I am EVERYTHING to this guy. he has no interests outside of me. I love the attention  & my self esteem has way bounced back from a sexless marriage.  I need to break up with this guy because my kids don't like him, my ex has refused to let the kids be around him  =-and he (in the long term) is controlling and obsessed with me.


i went to a counselor today  & i  think my biggest resistance is the constant rejection I got from the ex-hubby. I don't think I will have to deal with that again - but- it did do a lot of damage.  I enjoy feelng desireable  , and don't know if I will ever have that again. I am not overweight, but I am 45 years old =dealing with 45-year old stuff. I really enjoy sex - and don't want the possibility of life without it again.





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Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Tue, 02-18-2014 - 11:48pm

  You want break up because the kids don't like him?  And the controlling ex still wants control?  This is where you must fight for yourself .    Do you or the ex have custody?  If you have custody then it is a done deal. If joint then see a lawyer.  You must fight for yourself.  The kids get no say.  You rule end of discussion.  You are the Queen of your domain.  You like sex and so enjoy it.  If this new guy is too much into you and your re concerned that he might be obsessed too then find other lovers.    You are the goddess and they, but your humble servants there to do your bidding.



iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Wed, 02-19-2014 - 11:43am

Ok, your ex destroyed your self esteem.......been there, done that.  Now the new guy comes along and he worships you, and makes you feel like a million dollars.....been there, done that too.  Then I finally realized that my self esteem comes from within, it's not from some man making me feel bad, or another man making me feel good.  Your self esteem is your own allowed the ex to tear you down, and you feel that you need the obsessive one to build you up.  Try building yourself up!  Your self esteem comes from within yourself, and when you figure that out, you will realize that you don't need this guy that's causing problems in your life.  You realize this guy is controlling and obsessive, just like your ex husband, I'm sure.  Get him out of your life.......not because your kids don't like him (although kids are pretty good at spotting problems), and not because your ex doesn't want your kids around him.....(where does he get the right to choose who your children are around, unless it's truly dangerous, like a drug addict or a neo nazi type)  You need to get rid of him because YOU don't need him controlling your life.  Love yourself and you can be happy alone.  When you're happy, you'll attract  a good guy......unhappy women attract men who control themk, as you know! 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 02-19-2014 - 11:49am

I agree with everything Fissatore said.  If you are divorced, your ex should have no say about who your kids get to be around.  I would really question why your kids don't like him.  when I married my 2nd DH, my then 13 yr old DD didn't like him--I figured she'd come around or that she just wouldn't like anyone because we had been alone (also w/ my son too) for a few years and she didn't want someone moving in--wrong!  There was so much conflict between her & my DH and I was always in the middle--and it turns out she was right about him.  We got divorced after 5 years.  But the biggest thing is that you think he is controlling--who would want that?  I know you are enjoying the sex but there are too many negative things here.  who would want to be the center of someone's life and he has no other friends or interests?  That's just creepy. If you stay with him, you are closing out your possibility of meeting someone better.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
Fri, 02-21-2014 - 12:37am

In another post you stated :

I am in a relationship now that I know I have to end. My boyfriend is verbally abusive to me & my kids. My ex-husband gave me the ultimatum that he doesnt' want my BF around my kids. He is completely justified.

My BF is going to counseling, taking Prozac to help with his anger issues. i know I need to end it, but he is being so sweet, making every effort to keep me. I know it is controlling, but I am liking the effort. My ex-hubby made no effort to be nice to me, touch me, etc.  I am enjoying the "both sides of the coin" - when my kids are here, I am single, but when the BF is here , i am wined &dined.  and I know I am the most important thing to him  - scary and flattering at the same time.  I can't  juggle  both for a long time. i feel like a teenager that needs to "sneak out of the window' to see her boyfriend. I am 45 years old. I can't live the two separate lives. How do I end it with BFwiihtout him going psycho?

According to that post, its not just that your kids don't like the BF, its the fact that he is verbally abusive to you and your kids. So which is it~he's verbally abusive and you know you have to end it or that your kids just don't like him? If what you said in the other post about him being abusive to your kids is true, then this is a no-brainer. Your kids come first.