Frusterated Bride

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2004
Frusterated Bride
Wed, 01-29-2014 - 10:19pm

    I was married 11 days ago. My husband and I still have not consumated the marriage. For our wedding night, he reserved a beautiful honeymoon suite for us. We get to our room and decide to get in the hot tub. He then started to complain of it being too hot, so he gets out and I do as well. He begins to get dressed, I asked him what he was doing. He tells me that he needs to go to the ATM and withdraw some money and he will be right back. I take advantage of this time alone to make his return very hot and romantic. He returns to our suite eight hours later. He says he was gambling at the casino all this time. No phone call. He didn't answer my calls. Nothing. He apologized admitting that it was wrong what he had done. I was more hurt than mad. He didn't try to make up for time lost or anything. I made advances but nothing. It's been eleven days now and still nothing. He does suffer from premature ejaculation, so I made sure to bring his pills. He spends most of his time on his laptop playing games. I don't know what to do or if this even falls under the "libido" category. I'm just  a frusterated new bride.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2004
Tue, 02-18-2014 - 1:19pm

Thank you for your response. You hit the nail on the head re; feeling unattractive & unloved. The most confusing part is "WHY" did he marry me? It's all very strange. But I do think I need to end this bogus marriage and get out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2014
Fri, 02-07-2014 - 8:10am

Dear Frustrated Bride, I’m so sorry to hear about this. While the details for us are different, I was in your shoes in 2011: had a sexless marriage from the honeymoon until the divorce. So I know how impossible a divorce (or annulment in your case) may seem to you right now. Maybe, like me, you feel you already made a decision to marry and now you're stuck.

But if any part of you wants to end this relationship right now, then that feeling won't go away. Each day I felt less attractive and unloved, and angry with my ex-husband. One day I realized: I would rather be alone but happy and in love with myself than together with someone who doesn't love me. After that thought sunk in, it still took me months to get out. The tipping point was when I thought "I don't care if all of my friends and family and if his friends and family hate me for this: I'm getting out today" and I walked out.

The crux, I believe, is that you need to learn to love yourself more than you do right now. You’ve probably heard that you can’t change him, but you also can’t change the relationship without your partner being willing to change.

You aren’t alone in this situation and I hope you find some happiness soon.

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Fri, 01-31-2014 - 12:42am

 Get an annulment yesterday.  This is totally unacceptable.   People do this to gain an emotional anchor.   tAKE YOUR BIRTH CONTROL AND SEE THE LAWYER/OR IF YOU CAN DO THE PAPERS YOURSELF IMMEDIATLY.  aND LEAVE FILE A RESTRAINING ORDER ETC.  PROTECT YOURSELF.


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
Thu, 01-30-2014 - 11:40pm

Did you sleep with him before marrying him?What was your sex life like then? If you had a decent sex life beforehand,  the fact of being married could have frightened him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Wed, 01-29-2014 - 11:37pm

BEFORE he gets around to "consumating" the marriage, get an annulment.  You are obviously not his priority.  Was he this way before you were married?  You made a big mistake marrying him......and I'm guessing this behavior (gambling and computer games) is nothing new.  I hope you didn't think he would change just because he said I do.  Find a lawyer, get an annulment.

Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999
Wed, 01-29-2014 - 10:41pm

This does not fall under "libido", it falls under "GAMBLING ADDICTION". Get an annulment. NOW.