Funny. I think things are improving.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2006
Funny. I think things are improving.
Fri, 04-08-2011 - 3:26am

I had a text conversation with my BF this morning that went something like this:

Him: I had this crazy dream last night that you offered, me a birthday BJ, but I told you "no thanks, I'm cool"

Me: Yeah, that happened. You said you had a stomache ache.

Him: wtf?!

Me: Well, I assumed that since you said that you probably had a stomach ache.

Him: I am a bad bf

Me: Why? Because you had a stomache ache?

Him: Shouldn't let something like that get in the way.

Me: It's not like that will be the last time I ever offer.

Him: No?

Me: No. I can give you one tonight if you want. Come home and I can give you one right now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Fri, 04-08-2011 - 9:42am
Just be aware of the placebo effect, I had this happen when I took a drug for restless leg, which had an increased sex drive side effect. I thought it was really working, but it was just that I WANTED it to work. After a few weeks, I could see it really wasn't, it was just wishful thinking.

Also beware the temporary effect of "the talk." I am saying this as a LL. I have always tried really hard to "step it up" when DH and I have "the talk" but what I do is not sustainable. I try to keep it up for as long as I can, but I drift back to my more sustainable level (which isn't even close to good enough for him) and then we have to have "the talk" again. It's frustrating for both of us, and a lot of times he gets really angry about it. So if you are aware of that potenial pitfall on the front end, you can be ready with a modified version of "the talk" taking that into account if things start to go off the rails at some later point.

But overall, I say keep the good attitude going, just be aware of the things that could be lurking round the corner.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Fri, 04-08-2011 - 11:01am

Not just funny - fantastic news.

I think Miranda's suggestion of being ready with a "talkette" is great,

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2006
Fri, 04-08-2011 - 4:56pm
Those are good points mirandarr, i will keep that in mind. It's been a couple of months since we had anything resembling "the talk" but it wasn't a come-to-jesus discussion at all. This is a fairly recent development, so we're not even close to that point yet. I just made an offhand comment about how i was starting to think he didn't enjoy going down on me because he never did it anymore unless i asked. And i was self conscious about asking because i thought he didn't really like it. He felt really bad that i thought that and said it wasn't true.

Since then he has initiated oral with me a few times, and has been making a pretty clear effort, but his sex drive, i could tell, just wasn't where it used to be before the health problems started. We've had other discussions since then about medical tests and things, but he is primarily the one bringing it up, and i'm just staying supportive, trying not to be pushy.

I kind of think ED is far less of a big deal to me because sex has never really lost that new relationship energy. In past relationships foreplay eventually became a distant memory, and intercourse eventually turned into something sort of passionless and mechanical. Because foreplay is all we *have* that shift has never happened. Of course i hope that we'll be able to have intercourse some day. But the thought that it may never happen doesn't bother me like it did at first. I'm very comfortable with the way things are, and in a lot of ways it's really better to me. For him to lose interest in even kissing me though, that makes things pretty hard. I don't want it to become a permanent situation.

The placebo effect is certainly a possibility here. I am feeling optimistic and hoping it isn't that. But it's good to be aware. I hadn't considered it before.