Getting in the mood

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2007
Getting in the mood
60
Sat, 05-15-2010 - 9:08am

I'm

 


 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2006
Sat, 05-15-2010 - 9:24am

If one is naturally not quite as rarin' to go as the other, why does that mean "no" to sex?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Sat, 05-15-2010 - 10:49am
...3 thoughts and perhaps a question or two...why are your options for having sex you're not in the mood for 1) lying there limp or 2) pretending? (my thought is that you can thrust, assist with your hand or mouth and/or deep kiss without having to pretend or lie limply)...what criteria are you using to diagnose your husband with a sex addiction (or...did someone else diagnose him...?)...my thought is that 'sex addict' is a term thrown around by SOME LLs in order to disparage their HL (sort of like the opposite..."gosh, what? you won't have sex again today after we've had it 4 times this week, you are frigid")...which poster has written that LLs have a switch...I need to speak to them to find out where this switch is...
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Sat, 05-15-2010 - 2:18pm

Thanks for your suggestions.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2006
Sat, 05-15-2010 - 9:41pm

While the tips are helpful for others, you're attitude toward your relationship doesn't seem good.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Mon, 05-17-2010 - 1:12am

I hate doing that to him but I still turn him down a lot more than he wants and will continue to if I'm not in the mood...I've discovered a little

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2007
Mon, 05-17-2010 - 12:13pm

I as well am a bit confused by some points in your post that seem somewhat contradictory.


How long has this been going on? Were your Libido's always so out of alignment?


If you prefer to be pursued, but reject him more often than not when he DOES pursue you, it sounds to me like HEs the one who really can't win.


It also sounds to me that you're possibly just not attracted to him? You stated that when you ARE in the mood, it's typically for another man?

Avatar for holdingontoit
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Mon, 05-17-2010 - 1:33pm

Please be honest with your husband and admit that you do not find him physically attractive.

When you see it coming, duck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2007
Wed, 05-19-2010 - 12:04am

I love to write and I

 


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Wed, 05-19-2010 - 5:54am
...it's the "unwilling" that's causing the problem (in my opinion)...I have sex quite a bit when I am not in the mood...but, just because I don't have a desire for sex...I still very much have a desire to please my husband...

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Wed, 05-19-2010 - 10:06am

Yes, but having sex when you don't enjoy it is different than, say, cleaning the house or doing something else you don't enjoy for your spouse.


I've heard this expressed before and I don't disbelieve it, but I'd be interested in knowing how it's different. Both involve physical exertion with low motivation. Both create a feeling of being loved and appreciated and accepted in the other spouse. And chores can be done by anyone; in a monogamous marriage that's not the case. So if I see any difference, it makes unwanted sex more necessary to maintain a marriage than unwanted chores.


...sex is supposed to be about two people enjoying themselves, not just one.


This is only one possible view of sex. One could also take the view that sex can be about one person enjoying himself or herself in order to keep him or her satisfied and not roaming in search of sex.


I've discovered

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