Guess I should be glad

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2007
Guess I should be glad
12
Mon, 11-08-2010 - 2:14pm

That dh can't keep his hands off me.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003
Mon, 11-08-2010 - 4:58pm

First off, I suggest you stop berating yourself for being wired the way you are. It isn't good, bad, normal, abnormal -- it just is. For what it's worth, there are many many women with little to no sex drive. Human sexuality is very complex (especially in females, IMO) and there's no telling why the very same hormones result in a high sex drive in one woman and a low one in another. There are a ton of influences on one's ultimate sexual wiring, hormones being just one of them.


More to the point: have you talked to your husband about your feelings? If not, I think it would be a good idea. If you have, how has he responded?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2007
Mon, 11-08-2010 - 5:48pm

Hi there Freelance,

I have talked about it, when he's in his right mind, he understands.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Mon, 11-08-2010 - 7:19pm
merriweathercat wrote:

He just says for me to be patient, he knows he's crazy (depressed).

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Mon, 11-08-2010 - 10:50pm

He's an alcoholic. I don't think it's possible to apply normal relationship "talks" with an alcoholic. The dimensions are completely off whack. Rationalism doesn't exist.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2010
Tue, 11-09-2010 - 12:35am

Cat, it sounds like the problems in your marriage go way beyond ML. My advice is go to Al-Anon. Then you will be in a much better place for making those decisions. Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Tue, 11-09-2010 - 5:19am

...excellent advice coconut...to the OP...until your husband is no longer drinking nothing will help your marriage...sad but true...

Avatar for holdingontoit
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Tue, 11-09-2010 - 3:01pm
Agreed. Get help for you.

When you see it coming, duck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2007
Tue, 11-09-2010 - 5:02pm

Thanks, sienna,

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Tue, 11-09-2010 - 5:52pm

Did you know that if one of your parents was an alcoholic you are 50% more likely to marry/end up with an alcoholic?

That is unless there was therapy to undo what was learned. I don't think your H just became one all of a sudden, I think he was predisposed to be one based on other factors. That's my thought.

I also had an alcoholic father, but he drank out of the house. Therefore he was gone for days on end instead. I thought since I didn't "see" it that I wasn't affected by it. I denied that it affected me well into my 20s. However, it did. It even affected how I chose my former spouse.

Then I was kind of forced to face this stuff, codependency. My former marriage was going down hill quickly and taking me with it. So i finally had to face all that I was trying so hard to ignore.

So you might not be ready to face it right now, but I encourage and support you to read one of those books and start counseling. The library can get them. Things won't change otherwise and you'll feel worse.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2007
Wed, 11-10-2010 - 12:17pm

I guess I did see it coming years ago, he did drink a lot even then.

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