Guy being prosecuted for looking at his wife's email account...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Guy being prosecuted for looking at his wife's email account...
87
Tue, 12-28-2010 - 7:45am

...did anyone else see that on the Today Show???...she had her passwords listed int her address book, he suspected she was having an affair with an exhusband, he accessed her email account, and found the evidence...he'll be going to court next month...of course, this prosecution came about because of a contentious divorce...but, it may be used more and more if this guy gets the book...the bottom line is (the case against him reads) if you're violating privacy, it doesn't matter where you are when you violate it...the computer may belong to it, but not all of the information on it...very interesting...there used to be a poster (xxxy or something like that) that would post that it could be illegal to key track and use the information to snoop or to hack into email...and, he/she is right...at least in this particular guys state...I still maintain, if you feel the need to look and snoop, you and your relationship are already in trouble...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2010

I hadn't seen this, thank you for sharing it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
>>she had her passwords listed int her address book, he suspected she was having an affair with an exhusband, he accessed her email account, and found the evidence...he'll be going to court next month...<<

I cannot believe people are so stupid that they would carry on with activity that they wanted to keep private and still keep their passwords logged somewhere. I mean, how stupid can you get? Logging passwords is pretty dumb to start with, but to do it when you've got something to hide, well, uh, there's your sign...

>>...I still maintain, if you feel the need to look and snoop, you and your relationship are already in trouble...<<

I've always said this. I told my DH this weekend in the middle of our huge fight "either you trust me or you don't. If we don't have trust we've got a much bigger problem than this one!" It made him stop and think for a minute. I need to point that out to him more often, until he "gets" it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2010

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009

...yep, I feel the same...if I have to 'verify' my trust in my husband, I don't trust my husband...if I have to check, go behind his back, or snoop, we don't have an intimate relationship, or...at least, I don't...now, having said that...we (me and Mr. Z) do not keep each other passworded out of anything...and, we don't have specific computers...(he does not and would not get into my tote carrying files or case studies for entirely different

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009

...I agree tiptoe, I would be livid if my husband snooped...as I will share anything with him and I keep nothing password protected (except for professional email that I do not access from home anyway)...it would be the act of looking at something without telling me that would bother me tremendously...again, let me say...it would be the act of accessing my emails or computer history without telling me that would bother me...if he were to walk to the laptop and say "I am going to open your email account and look for emails (or a specific email) I wouldn't say a word...if he did it without telling me AND his intentions were to check my online behaviors, we would have a problem...the intention to check on me behind my back...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009

...by the way...I have never heard the words "I just came across all of the texts or emails detailing the affair while looking for something legitimate" without hearing the future words "I suspected that something was going on all along"...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
I would be livid if I discovered my DH had been reading either my journal or my email, not that I have anything to hide, but rather because if he would ask I would share it with him.<<

Precisely. The fact that he would snoop instead of asking you is like saying straight out that he doesn't trust you. That's more damaging than anything, imo. That's also how I feel when DH says things that show he doubts me and what I've said to him in some way, which he often does in a fight. I understand thinking someone might be mistaken, but this goes way beyond that and I'm not allowing it anymore, because number one, it's totally uncalled for and unfounded and number two it is damaging to our relationship.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006

<< I told my DH this weekend in the middle of our huge fight "either you trust me or you don't. If we don't have trust we've got a much bigger problem than this one!" >>

Well, you can never have complete trust in another person so I suppose we would need the context of this fight to see if that was an appropriate statement.

Gosh, if someone trusted me completely to never fail them... I'd have to shoot myself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
>>Well, you can never have complete trust in another person so I suppose we would need the context of this fight to see if that was an appropriate statement.

Gosh, if someone trusted me completely to never fail them... I'd have to shoot myself.<<

That's why I put in this " I understand thinking someone might be mistaken, but this goes way beyond that." If he doesn't trust me to be telling him the truth, we have a problem. If he doesn't believe the words coming out of my mouth, we have a problem.

As far as giving you the context of our fight, I cannot even give ME the context of the fight, because when we fight my DH brings up everything and the kitchen sink. Every trangression real or imagined that he has EVER experienced (even those not at my hand) can and do come up. I can say the fight began about the way I keep the kitchen (housekeeping and organization) but it didn't stay there long.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006

<< If he doesn't trust me to be telling him the truth, we have a problem. If he doesn't believe the words coming out of my mouth, we have a problem. >>

Again, I wouldn't want anyone believing everything out of my mouth is the gospel truth. I have a skewed perception on reality, an ego that twists things to my advantage, and even tell the occasional outright lie... even to ones that I love.

As far as hubby bringing up everything from the past, I wrote all my stbxw's down on a sheet of paper and when ever she started on the list, I'd fetch the written list and just ask... "Is there anything in addition to this list you would like to add?" It always pissed her off but how else do you show someone that they even have such a list when they would prefer to deny it?

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