Have you left your M because of ML?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2012
Have you left your M because of ML?
30
Mon, 01-09-2012 - 7:39pm
I'm just struggling with this and from reading these boards I'm not real optimistic. Has anyone ended up leaving their partner because of ML and do you regret it?

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Avatar for holdingontoit
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Wed, 01-11-2012 - 4:32pm
I am still married despite years of ML.

I have participated in this forum for I guess 6 or 8 years now. In that time, several frequent posters have split up over this issue. As I recently posted to someone else, the result have mostly been positive. Several posters have sopped by later to remark that they have found a more compatible partner. A few have stopped by to say that they have not yet found a long-term partner but are nonetheless happier than during their ML relationship. I cannot remember a single poster who reported back later that they regreted leaving.

I think we are far from a representative group. I would spend some time here over a period of months reading and posting to the people who show up. Be very open and honest with your partner about what you are thinking and feeling. See if things improve, and if not, whether you still feel like leaving.

If so, do it. Don't be like me and wallow in frustration and regret and self-pity. Be like Glenn and go get a life!

When you see it coming, duck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2012
Wed, 01-11-2012 - 10:06pm
Thanks for posting.......I'm pretty much feeling like I don't want to waste the rest of my years. I'm 32......I plan on a lot of good ones.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2010
Thu, 01-12-2012 - 12:39am
Dh and I separated over the issue, by my choice ( I'm the LL). However after a year apart and dating several people DH decided that being with me was still what he wanted even with the ML. We are managing the ML and things are good.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2011
Thu, 01-12-2012 - 9:23am

I have not, but I did see a post on here a few months back from a women who was LL, get a divorce from her husband HL.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2012
Thu, 01-12-2012 - 9:36am
Ugh......we need some POSITIVE posts around here. It's getting depressing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Thu, 01-12-2012 - 10:10am
Solost, I'm afraid you won't find many positive posts here (except for maybe Glenn.) We're a fairly miserable lot, and those that resolve their conflicts tend to go away, thus reducing the happiness quotient even further. If you want positive, my DH is out of town for a week and I am having a wonderful time eating what and when I want (or not) not doing dishes, (letting them pile up in the sink) playing with the dogs and watching chick flicks. Going to bed early and getting lots of good uninterrupted sleep (although I am still being woken up by my coughing from my cold a little....still better than being woken for sex...imo) I am not saying I don't miss my DH, I am just saying I am enjoying the first alone time I've had in a long time. I'm enjoying it very very much. DH and I talk 4 times a day at least, so I'm not starved for his company at this point. Tonight I've vowed to do the dishes, maybe run a load of laundry and try to eat something healthier than mac n cheese or ramen noodles. Perhaps a nice salad is in order...but of course it's snowing like mad, so tomato soup and a grilled cheese sounds better....Either way, it's totally up to me and no one else, and there is no one to criticize my decision either way.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2010
Thu, 01-12-2012 - 12:11pm
solost22 wrote:
Ugh......we need some POSITIVE posts around here. It's getting depressing.


I like to believe that DH and I have had a positive outcome. Yes, the road to get here was difficult and there was painful growth on both sides, but I believe if both are committed and willing to work then it's possible to successfully manage ML.

DH gets all the sexual contact he wants, and I finally feel accepted as I am and loved for being who I am, even if that is different than "normal" or "average".

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Thu, 01-12-2012 - 1:29pm

I like to believe that DH and I have had a positive outcome. Yes, the road to get here was difficult and there was painful growth on both sides, but I believe if both are committed and willing to work then it's possible to successfully manage ML.

Ditto.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Thu, 01-12-2012 - 1:33pm

The LL doesn't have to get divorced to (sometimes) experience a resurgence.

We've had on this board at least one person who was LL with her husband, and HL with her affair partner.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2011
Thu, 01-12-2012 - 1:45pm
The LL doesn't have to get divorced to (sometimes) experience a resurgence.

We've had on this board at least one person who was LL with her husband, and HL with her affair partner. She gave her HL husband the minimum amount of sex she could get away with (when he squawked), and hated it when it happened.

Me personally, these are the posts that bother me, not so much that the LL does not want to have sex with the HL spouse, hates it, everyone has valid feelings. But when they (LL) are getting their needs met elsewhere and now HL (affair), expect their HL spouse to faithful, while giving them the bare minimum is IMO very selfish.

If you want to stay married to this person, then why not consider / have and open relationship / marriage?

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