He Always Want Sex!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2011
He Always Want Sex!!!
46
Tue, 02-15-2011 - 11:49am

I've been married to my second husband for a year.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Tue, 02-15-2011 - 12:09pm
livelas,

I'm sorry you are going through this. It sounds very familiar to me. I went through this with my DH (and still sometimes do, even though we are managing our mismatch better.) You and he need to sit down and talk about this. You need to let him know that throwing a tantrum (which is what he is doing, imo) is NOT going to make you more likely to have sex with him. You need to find out what YOU can do (short of dropping everything and giving him exactly what he wants, when he wants it) that can help him deal with the issue.

I don't know of any other way for you to handle this, besides sitting him down and telling him you expect him to act like an adult, or giving him sex every and any time he asks for it (which is what one member here, tiptoeing, does.) Maybe others on here will help you out with other suggestions.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2011
Tue, 02-15-2011 - 1:04pm

In the beginning, the frequency was okay.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Tue, 02-15-2011 - 1:41pm
livelas,

I SO understand what you are going through. It took me a long time (I'm talking years) to make my DH understand what his behavior was doing to our relationship. And even now, he backslides when other stressors or factors are weighing on him (like he's overtired, or hungry or in pain, or needs a cigarette.) For my part, I've learned to "weather his storm" and wait it out. But it SUX. And the more frequent it is, the harder it is to really love the other person.


You have to find a way to convince him that the way he is responding to "no" is NOT acceptable. You need to find a compromise position. Some HLs take "not now, I'll catch you in the morning" better than a flat out "no." Of course that means to them, that NO excuses come up in the morning, otherwise you've delayed and intensified the rage. I found it helped for me to offer him a bj or hj when I didn't feel up to full on sex.

It will take both of you, working together as reasonable adults to get through this thing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Tue, 02-15-2011 - 3:07pm

Having a very high libido myself, a

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2010
Tue, 02-15-2011 - 3:59pm
livelas, I empathize with what you are going through, it's tough. DH and I often had a similar problem. What I decided to do was "sex on demand" meaning that as long as it would be practical/possible to have sex, I will have sex whenever DH initiates. The caveat is that he understands and accepts that I will be as enthusiastic as I can, but unless I intiate the encounter is primarily for his benefit.
Of course, it helps that my DH did not get angry and throw things ect.
We've been at this for right at eight months, and we haven't had any major issues come up in regards to sex in a few months now.
This solution may not work for everyone, and you and your DH need to be a "team" in solving the problem. But compromise can be reached if both partners want to.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Tue, 02-15-2011 - 4:08pm
Tiptoe,

Thank goodness...I was hoping you would weigh in, because your solution is so simple and elegant, and so different from my own.

PS didya get my message? I hope so...
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2010
Tue, 02-15-2011 - 4:13pm
Yes, I got the message. I've been snowed under by school work and a collapsed kitchen sink (that's a story for another time)
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Tue, 02-15-2011 - 4:41pm
>>Yes, I got the message. I've been snowed under by school work and a collapsed kitchen sink (that's a story for another time) .<<

No problem, I was just worried you'd gone "away."
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Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Tue, 02-15-2011 - 5:22pm

dragowoman

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Tue, 02-15-2011 - 5:29pm
>>Hi I saw this and thought of your situation.<<

Niiiiiiicccccccce

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