He doesn't like oral sex.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2012
He doesn't like oral sex.
Tue, 01-31-2012 - 3:17am

I've been dating this guy for 3 months. I'ma straight


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2003
Tue, 01-31-2012 - 6:25am

Yes, I've had this situation. Almost. My ex was low libido (LL), would never initiate oral, hated public ass-grabs, only participated in limited positions, and didn't like talking about sex. I wouldn't describe him as "small," but he did have pronounced ED. The difference was that in the initial months, he was pretty horny. That dropped off in a big way and I've since found out that is rather common for LL's.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2010
Tue, 01-31-2012 - 7:09am

Chiming in with my experience, just some food for thought. In relationships prior to my M I had a very active sex life and I enjoyed sex very much. When I started dating my future H we did have sex and I experienced some of the things you are mentioning. I wanted oral sex and wanted to perform it on him, he would not have any of it. He was very conservative and only would have sex in the missionary position. I was at a point in my life that I wanted to settle down and have kids and future H had many good qualities, sex was the only issue. I figured since I had had my fun, I would be okay with a boring sex life. Fast forward to 12 yrs later and we are now separated. While there were other issues, the lack of a fulfilling sex life was a major one. There was no way for us to reconnect as a couple because of the lack of intimacy between us. I became less andless interested in sex with H because it wasn't fun and when I brought it up he made me feel dirty because I wanted to be adventurous. He felt that sex was for making babies and that was it. A lot of his thinking comes from being very conservative and religious. As I am entering the dating world again, at the top of my list is finding someone that has the same outlook on a healthy sex life as I do. That is the glue that holds the relationship together when things get tough.

Good luck,


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2004
Tue, 01-31-2012 - 9:30am

People have told me that over time the physical stuff will work itself out, and that I should just give it time.

I HATE when people say stuff like this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Tue, 01-31-2012 - 9:35am
>>If you expect him to know what you want without any coaching then it's not going to work out. If you are willing to help him but he's not willing to learn, then it's not going to work out. Simple as that.<< AND....even if she is willing to coach him and he is willing to learn, it STILL might not work out. Some things you just cannot "teach." Enthusiasm, passion, response, etc...
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2011
Tue, 01-31-2012 - 10:44am

See, this is why I slept with my SO the first time we met. We

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Tue, 01-31-2012 - 12:43pm


This post made me remember my dream last night... my fat, pregnant boss was on top heading for the 69 position and I had about 2 seconds of hesitation. After that, we went at it like yum yum donuts.

Now I can't even look over at her without blushing. LOL

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2005
Tue, 01-31-2012 - 12:58pm

Hi mandarin_orange1,

Thank you for your

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2003
Tue, 01-31-2012 - 5:26pm
Best of luck; let us know how it goes. If he makes promises, then expect him to follow through. Words and promises to change are nice to hear, but concrete action speaks volumes, IMO.
scrappy_chick2005 wrote:

I've honestly never heard of a normal guy who just didn't like (oral)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2009
Tue, 01-31-2012 - 10:17pm
"It might very well be that he has a problem 'down there' that I'm not aware of, as I've honestly never heard of a normal guy who just didn't like (oral) sex."

It's not socially acceptable for men to admit they don't like oral sex or any other aspect of sex so it's not something a lot of people hear about. But as with everything else, the great range of likes and dislikes exist with oral sex and men too.

You may have to accept that this is just the way he is and that there's nothing to teach him because he isn't acting out of ignorance but rather is behaving in keeping with his hard wiring. Then you'll decide whether you want to live this way or not. It has not been my experience that these men are able or willing to change. Sex really just isn't on their minds outside of the bedroom (or really even inside it).

My prediction: when you speak to him, he'll be able to come up with a rational-sounding explanation for why things have been the way they have and why this situation is temporary.

My bet is it isn't temporary. If that's okay with you, let him know you could live with it. If it isn't okay with you, you'll have some thinking to do.

Best of luck, Scrappy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
Wed, 02-01-2012 - 11:05pm

Some people are brought up very conservatively and repressed. It sounds like he comes from such a background.

Anyway, have a talk with him. Hopefully, it will help things. Just realize that there can be huge differences in people's attitudes towards sex and in their desires.