-_- Help.. ?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2012
-_- Help.. ?
Sat, 01-14-2012 - 12:20am

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003
Sat, 01-14-2012 - 7:55am

Hi there,

Sounds to me like it's time for an honesty session. Make him feel safe enough to come clean with you, but INSIST that he do it and do not accept his excuses. For example:

You: The contrast between our sexual relationship a few months ago and today is huge. It weighs heavily on me because sex is very important to me and sex with you is special. I'm ready to hear anything you have to say, but please tell me what you think is going on.

Him: There's nothing, really. I'm just tired, stressed at work...

You: I understand all these things, but they don't really explain the situation. Please give me the respect of being straight with me. We're all tired and stressed -- it's a condition of adult modern life -- but some of us find time to have sex. We all know that people can make time to do the things they really want to do. When we're hungry, we make time to eat. I'm not trying to pressure or change you, just to find out what's going on so we can figure out how to proceed.

Him: Sex just isn't that important to me in a long-term relationship. In the early days, sure, but nobody can keep that up.

You: So here's the problem: for me, sex IS important in a long-term relationship. And sex with you is particularly delicious. Is there anything we can do so we're both happy with our sex lives? Or is this an unbridgeable difference? Again, please be as candid as possible with me.

And so on.