HELP: 23 an NO sex drive!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2007
HELP: 23 an NO sex drive!!!!
Sat, 06-26-2010 - 4:18am

Ok, I'm 23, married for 2 1/2 yrs w/ 2kids.

I have no sex drive at all. In High school my sex drive was very high then when i was like 20 ( a few months before I became pregnant) my sex drive decreased dramatically! and after giving birth I now have none!And now I have none. It's getting to the point where I know my husbands fed up and on a verge or divorce. I have no idea y. Sometimes I think it maybe cuz I'm stressed but slot of my stresses went away. And yet I will I dread having it. I'm still attracted to my husband but he's at his whitts end. The times I do do it,,,,,it's not even that pleasurable to me. I really don't even get arroused even after a lot of foreplay. After u had my daughter it was painful to have sex bit overtime that got better and now it sometimes painful but even then, I jus don't get arroused. I love my husband very much and have told him a wholenlist of reasons on y maybe my linbidos low but he feels they r jus excuses since it's been going on for so long and thinks there's another reason that I'm jus not tellin him.

I really believe something has to b wrong with me cuz I'm waaaayyy to young to b having this problem especially since I used to have a great sex drive and sexual relationship with him..

PLEASE.... I really need help and advice! Has ne one experiences this??? I'm desprate cuz I don't wanna lose him and wanna make it work.

O and I have spoke to my obgyn about this but this was when I was pregnant with my second child so he really didn't wanna talk to me about it. He said he jus want to focus on the baby and no I don't have insurance so I can't even go to a dr anymore to find out =(

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Sat, 06-26-2010 - 9:26am

Are you on any medications regularly that can be killing your libido?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Sat, 06-26-2010 - 9:50am

...actually, you are in the right situation to experience a lowering of libido...2 young children/a young woman in her 20s...all of the "what can I do about it" things include:

make time for yourself (I know, this used to bother me...I'd think..."when?"

eat healthy and sleep when your children sleep


talk, talk, talk, talk with your husband

...obviously, there 1000 things to be considered...but, looking back on my 20 years as a mother/wife I would advise that you not make pushing sex to the back burner a'll be too easy to fall into that trap...your children need does your day they (your children) will be on their own with are the "family" model...I am terrible about skimming through posts...sorry...but, have you seen your physician?...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2007
Sat, 06-26-2010 - 6:04pm

Thx for the replies....I am not on ne type of meds and the decrease in linbido started happening a few months before I got pregnant. When I was pregnant with my second child I asked my obgyn and he just brushed off wat I was saying. I guess I will try to find another Dr and talk with him. Ill probably goto a free clinic so I hope they take me seriously. I read on the internet that it could be a hormone issue or not enouugh testosterone.

Thanks again everyone for the responses....I appreciate it

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2010
Sat, 06-26-2010 - 6:59pm
You mentioned pain during intercourse? That would be a real killer of desire. desire = pain Unfortunately there are few physicians who specialize in this. If you doc is not interested then a new sex positive doc is needed.
Yes hormone could have a lot to do with it too. Have everything checked out. It may be a combination of problems. Many women do go thru these as many physicians do not consider these things partly because it is not in their training.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Mon, 06-28-2010 - 10:17am

I agree with zejayge.

When you see it coming, duck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Wed, 06-30-2010 - 6:28am

Yes, I've been there...and at your age too. The problem turned out to be the fact that my then husband and I weren't really suited to each other.

You say you love your husband and I really believe you. However, sometimes love isn't enough.

How would you describe your marriage? Let me give you some ideas to consider:

Does it have ups and downs?
Do you still look forward to seeing your husband every night?
Do you have the same views about life, money, morals and ethics? Does your and his life outlook match - or is one of you more positive than the other?
Do you ever fantasise about being single again?
How do the two of you handle conflict?
Any other problems going on?
Would you describe yourself as happy and content?

If you go through these ideas and find a number of issues, then chances are you've found the cause for your lost libido.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2010
Wed, 06-30-2010 - 9:09pm
Seriously, you should try masterbating in the shower with a disguised vibrator.. I have kids and started using the vibra sponge ( a sex toy that looks like a sponge) and my libido is WAY up.