HELP! I'm sexually incompatible with my husband!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2001
HELP! I'm sexually incompatible with my husband!!
6
Fri, 09-23-2011 - 10:51pm

It's really infuriating.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010

Mwheland-

Greetings. It could be your husband suffers from depression. Does he appear to suffer from other symptoms in situations not involving you and with other people? Unfortunately, sexual issues like this are often difficult to resolve satisfactority. So, you need to take a strong stand with him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2008

Hi OP,

Your husband sounds like mine.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
mw,

There are about a zillion things this could be due to. There's not enough information in your post to even figure out where to start?

Was it always this way? Was he enthusiastic about sex early in the relationship? When did it change, if so? How old are the two of you? Does he take any medications or have any health problems? Do you have kids? How many hours a week does he work? Do you engage with one another outside the bedroom with any common interests/projects? Have you had any health crisises or changes to your body? How about your personality?

I could ask a ton more questions, but this is a starting point. There's no quick and easy fix for this, as you will see if you read the board a bit, and look back into past posts.
Avatar for holdingontoit
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Welcome to the forum. Sorry you need us. Glad you found us.

I am not sure you need to be tough or harsh. I do think you need to be more direct. If "kind of hinted" hasn't worked, be more explicit. This can be done in a loving manner. "I want that great guy I married back, I know he is in there somewhere". But hinting won't bring resolution.

Good luck.

When you see it coming, duck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009

"kind of hinted"

Yes, that popped out at me too.

Avatar for holdingontoit
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
And be direct about why she is concerned. Yes, partly it is about wanting her husband to be happier. But if she frames it that way, he can block progress by saying "I am already happy". She needs to make it clear that she is not. She can be loving. She can be concerned about him. She can want the best for him. But all of that is within the context of getting her own needs met (whatever those may be). Which is currently not happening. And she should be direct in saying that she needs his help to get there. She can offer to provide whatever help he needs from her to get there. But she needs to make clear that he cannot (if he wants her to remain happy with their relationship) say that he sees no reason to change.

When you see it coming, duck!