HL Depression and Resignation

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2010
HL Depression and Resignation
Wed, 05-12-2010 - 11:00am

My feelings are so crappy right now I don't even know where to start.

LL DH is so confusing to me as he is such a loving person in every other aspect of our marriage, and yet it has been a month since we've had sex. I know for some of you, that isn't a long time, but lets face it...a month between sexual activity just depresses me.

By nature I am a happy, optimistic person. I enjoy laughing, teasing, telling jokes and try to find the bright side of most every thing.

But now...sometimes I just don't know who I am anymore. What happened to the woman who was sexually confident, enjoyed dressing up, putting on makeup and going out for a drink? Who is this person that doesn't care if she showers or not and wears grubby clothes all day long? Who is this person who has become quiet and emotionally detached? Where's the woman who loved lingerie and high heels? Now it's t-shirts and comfy socks cause who gives a damn anyway?

I was planning on doing some shopping today as we have a couple of bridal showers and weddings coming up and honestly (I know this is a cliche') but I have nothing to wear. Over the years, I've just stopped buying anything other than jeans and comfy shoes cause where do you wear skirts and suits when you just stay home?

And I woke up this morning just not feeling like it. What's the point?

How does a woman who is sexually charged wind up with a man who has little interest in sex? WTF. I just don't get it.

After 5 years, now I no longer find HIM sexually attractive. I mean really...whats to get excited about? 5 minutes of sex a couple times a month and that's if I'm lucky? Bo-Ring.

Sometimes (like today) I'm just resigned and kinda down. Other days I want to scream at him and tell him to read a book, get counseling, watch some porn, learn how to turn me on for crying out loud you are turning me into a crazy woman!

Grr...aren't you guys lucky you get to be at the end of my vent?

Thanks for listening (reading) all.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Wed, 05-12-2010 - 2:15pm
...I don't have a lot of words of wisdom...but, I would think becoming and staying the best 'you' that you can be is the first step...of course, the result will probably be a lot more attention from other men and the same amount of non-sexual attention from your husband...
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2009
Wed, 05-12-2010 - 2:48pm

I am right there with you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2007
Wed, 05-12-2010 - 4:53pm

No worries, we all need to vent from time to time, and this is certainly a good place to do it!

I'm in the same place as you right now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2010
Wed, 05-12-2010 - 10:21pm

The first thing you need to do is to get to the root of the problem: why is your life so totally and utterly dependent on sex?

I'm no counsellor but I'm thinking addiction. Alcoholics cannot live without a drink. Drug people cannot live without their drugs. So I'm thinking sex addiction?

If your life gets to the stage where its wholly dependent on the quantity of sex you are getting, then there is clearly something wrong. Seeing a professional would be the best thing to do in this situation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Wed, 05-12-2010 - 10:29pm
A high libido is not a disorder requiring therapy any more than a low libido is a disorder requiring therapy. It may not be where you are and it may be beyond your comprehension, but it is within the range of normal.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Thu, 05-13-2010 - 3:49am

Eternity, I'd like you to consider some things here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2010
Thu, 05-13-2010 - 9:43am

OK...sorry...but just what are you talking about?

When an HL person is married to an LL, suddenly the HL has a sex addiction? You're right...you sure are no counselor and I would suggest you stay away from that profession.

Sex is intimacy....it's closeness and a want and desire to be with the person you love. When that LL person doesn't share those same feelings, it leaves the HL feeling rejected, their self esteem in question and a lack of total self confidence.

An addict of any kind needs their addiction every day, all day...if you read the posts here a little more carefully, you will see that not only is the issue about physical intimacy, but the RESULTS from that intimacy, Insinuating that HL's are sex addicts is insulting to us all.