How to achieve forgiveness?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
How to achieve forgiveness?
47
Mon, 06-20-2011 - 10:15am

We've been going along very well with managing our ML for 2 years now.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Mon, 06-20-2011 - 10:28am

...mol, when you write that you don't trust that she'll be there when you really need her, do you suspect that if you were ill, she'd abandon you or put you in a "home"...do you suspect that if you suffered a huge personal loss, she's turn her back on you?..if you lost your job, she'd leave???...or, are you referring to your sexual needs alone?...what do you mean by "brutal rejections"...was she physically brutal?...did she call you names?...

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2004
Mon, 06-20-2011 - 11:05am

I have no advice for you but am very interested in the responses as well.\

My DW still engages in negative behaviors that, while not directly related to ML, stall or even reverse the forward progress of our overall relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Mon, 06-20-2011 - 11:25am

Thanks for the questions:

The way it went in the bad-old-days was that it

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Mon, 06-20-2011 - 11:27am

Thanks Magniman, I always felt you were a fellow-spirit, and I know you've been generous and thoughtful in managing your affairs with your W.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Mon, 06-20-2011 - 11:34am
>> I do not feel safe and secure with being more open and emotionally intimate with her because she has a very aggressive and confrontational approach with everyone. She can rein it in for days or even weeks at a time but just as I start to feel more comfortable, that ugly side inevitably rears up again. Three steps forward and two steps back...<<

Wow! I feel this way a lot of the time too. I just don't feel safe being open and vulnerable with DH a lot of the time, because of his "aggressive and confrontational" approach, as well as his outright dismissal of things that are not "important" to HIM. Interesting....
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Mon, 06-20-2011 - 11:40am

...I can completely understand why you would feel less than a priority...has she acknowledged these events?...have you discussed having the friend over after losing your dad?...do you feel that it (her behavior and your resultant feelings) have been discussed sufficiently that you feel acknowledged, or have you swept the discussion under the rug fearing that it would stall the GGG she is currently displaying?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Mon, 06-20-2011 - 11:49am

Before I agreed to restart sex (I had called a halt to having

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Mon, 06-20-2011 - 11:53am
Mol,

I've heard you talk about it before, and I still don't know what it means...."Gottman's contempt." Can you help me out?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Mon, 06-20-2011 - 11:59am

Oh sorry, an abbreviation - John Gottman's team studied couples in video sequences and could predict fairly reliably who would divorce based on the way those discussions went.

He refers to the 4 Horsemen - attitudes

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Mon, 06-20-2011 - 12:02pm

...do you feel your hurt has been fully acknowledged?...has she "admitted" that she acted in hurtful, neglectful way?...

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