How do you PROPERLY have the talk about mismatched libidos?
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|Thu, 02-10-2011 - 12:10pm|
So I was just curious how one properly have the conversation about mismatched libidos?
To provide a little background, I am 27 and my boyfriend is 28 and we have been together for a little over a year and a half now. We live a few hours away from each other but we see each other as much as we can... at least every weekend for the whole weekend. I live alone but he had to move back in with his dad as he was laid off from his job as most were due to the rescession. (He has found a new job a few months ago and is saving to move out soon.)
When we first started dating and eventually slept together we had sex at least once a week. Then there was this one time when his dad almost walked in on us and since then it has dwindled to about once a month and has been that way for the last 5 or 6 months. We are inimate in other ways but I am not accustiomed to such a lack of sex. I have tried talking about it before briefly and he said that he doesn't feel comfortable with his dad around (which is valid) and also told me that he has never really been one to initate. He says it's not me and that he loves me and that when he moves out things will get better. I love him and part of me still feels very unresolved about this and like I have no properly communicated why this is a issue for me... that I want that intamcy... after all the way I see it without sex aren't we just two friends that cuddle? Instead my frustration is starting to come out in little snide remarks which is not right...
I want to talk about it for real with him but I am not sure how without coming across like some horn dog... which I fear I did last time. The main reason also why I feel like we really need to discuss it is because I might be moving closer to him soon and I am scared that I am going to uproot my whole life and things are not going to get better like he said they would. In all other way's he is perfect and I get along with him and feel connected to him in ways I never have felt with anyone else on a mental level. He also has confided in me that he was sexually assulted when he was younger and I feel like that might also be a factor but I am scared to bring that up...
So how do I really talk about this? Any help/advice would be greatly apprecaited. Thanks ;)