How Do You Tell Someone You've Been Intimate With That The Sex Is Bad???

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2006
How Do You Tell Someone You've Been Intimate With That The Sex Is Bad???
7
Tue, 11-27-2012 - 8:24pm

Ok I told my friend that I would ask you guys for some advice.My friend..I'll call her Alley..has been seeing this guy Juan for over a month now..I believe it's been 2 months..anyways they have recently had sex and she says that his dick is way too small for her and that the sex isn't good because he's too quick with his small dick.Now the good news is is that she REALLY likes this guy and doesn't want to hurt his feelings BUT SEX is a very big important part of a relationship to her...so HOW does she bring up this subject to her guy friend without hurting his feelings???

I had told her that when you start really liking someone that sometimes certain things don't matter as much as they use to...BUT for her SEX is a very important part of a relationship to her..it's not the only thing BUT it's one of those things that she can't compromise on...so how does she bring up this delicate subject to him?How do you address something like that to someone??? Oh she's 33 and he's 35.

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010

  It is very difficult to explain that to anyone male or female.  Some people do not fit together sexually.  Premature ejaculation is something many men have and master.  But at 35 unless he is very inexperienced he would be aware of that.  Size is nothing he can do about.  But sexual skill can be taught.  Only if the student is willing.

   Having written that IMO She has three choices: tell him the hard truth.   Opening up the relationship have a lover that satisfies and keep him as a semisexual whatever. Or breakup with him without telling him why.     There will be fallout for anything she chooses.

Goldfish

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
The way to tell someone that they are not what you are looking for sexually is as soon as possible! There's no point in wasting either of their time at this point. If you have sexual problems straight out of the gate, it isn't likely they will get better over time. In fact, what will happen is that they will get worse and eventually erode all that is good and right about the relationship. She should tell him it isn't going to work out between them, and that they aren't sexually compatible. Then she should break it off. No waffling, no wavering, no looking back, no responding to his "I can be different" or "baby please no, give me another chance" Yes, I am aware that this seems cruel and heartless, but believe me, it truly isn't. What is cruel and heartless is prolonging this and slogging through the mire that is sexual difficulty years down the line.
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Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/11/27/racquel-gonzalez-esric-davis-orgasm-assault-sex_n_2200096.html

Goldfish

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Xxxxs, I'd love to say that's not funny...but it sort of is... my bad.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2012

Lets hope maybe open discussion and some kagel exercises this relationship won't end up in the violence that was in that article XXXS

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2006
Well I read those stories and all I have to say is that there are some very disturbed people out there and to thank my lucky stars that I'm single.Obviously all those are toxic relationships in some way shape or form.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2006

Tell her (?) that if she examines the relationship closely, she canfind some other fault to use to dump him providing she really is concerned for his feelings. One thing is certain. He already knows he's been shortchanged in the meat department and he'll have to look longer for suitble accomodations for his stuff. She clearly isn't it.