How to get out of a sex and romance stalemate...

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2012
How to get out of a sex and romance stalemate...
7
Wed, 08-08-2012 - 8:37pm

Well according to this article, carving out intimate time with no sex is crucial .....

http://www.everydayhealth.com/sexual-health/how-to-get-out-of-a-sex-and-romance-stalemate.aspx?xid=aol_eh-sex_4_20120806_&aolcat=HLT&icid=maing-grid7|main5|dl34|sec1_lnk2%26pLid%3D190073

What do you guys think, is this going to work for this couple, and for the HLs, how do you feel about the advice?

Avatar for holdingontoit
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004

I have no problem with scheduling "sex is off limits" time.  I have no problem with date time and sex time not being simultaneous or in 1:1 proportions.  We had plenty of date nights during our many extensive dry spells.

My problem arises when the LL requests date nights and lunch meetings, but then gets outraged when the HL wants to schedule a booty call.  Hey, by the 3rd or 4th date night, the LL should either be prepared to schedule sex or be prepared to admit they are being a cake eater.

When you see it coming, duck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Dwifey my fella and I had a weekly lunch date every week when the kids were young. We both got a lot put log the time together. But that was when I was hl so I guess the perspective was different. But I never did understand couples who complained they couldn't have date time. If we could do it why not them?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2004

I agree with others, stereotypical same-old same-old. 

 

And seeting aside a whole hour every week when sex is off limits? Woohoo!! Bet that made the LL's smile. NOT!! a

 

Can you tell i get a little tired of drive-by-formulated (bad) advice?  :smileylol:

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2012
Perfect example of the non-sex time together:

Hubby and I went out for a lunch together, it was so rewarding for both of us. He loved it! I thought that because of our dry spell that he would still want sex, but he didn't.

I think that he has 2 love languages, spending time together and physical touch. He called me again to say how fun it was, no stress or tension. :-)
Avatar for holdingontoit
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Decent as far as it goes. Years when there are small kids at home are tough on together time. The HL needs to realize that it isn't fair to demand 100% of the free time be devoted to sex. There needs to be non-sexual connecting time as well.

On the other hand, the LL also needs to realize that less time is available, and find ways to be available sexually despite the reduced non-sexual connection time. Responsibility to deal with the mismatch shouldn't all be on the HL.

As Oprah and Dr. Phil used to say, if you think you can focus on your kids and your career for 18 or 20 or 22 years, and then focus on your marriage when the kids leave home, you will find you don't have a marriage to focus on anymore. Cuts both ways.

To put it in terms of priorities, or as mol likes to say "we each put a high priority on helping the other person achieve their life goals", many of the items on your to-do list that seemed urgent at the time will feel far less vital when your spouse is walking out the door. You don't want to have to say to your kids years later "I thought that doing another load of laundry before bedtime was more important than having sex with your dad, so he left me to be with someone who thought otherwise".

When you see it coming, duck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003
To be honest, all the advice seems like the same old same old. Somehow it fails to capture the essence of ML.

JMHO Freelance