How would you feel in this situation?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2011
How would you feel in this situation?
12
Mon, 12-19-2011 - 3:50am

So I would just like to get a few outside opinions.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2004
Mon, 12-19-2011 - 10:42am

At first glance, it seems like your boyfriend is being extremely selfish.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Mon, 12-19-2011 - 1:09pm

Sounds a bit crass, yet I'd give him a break and focus on your general problems.

Reason being, for some very "sound" reasons, men are primed to want sex after an absence, and perhaps more so if the relationship is shaky.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2011
Mon, 12-19-2011 - 3:15pm
Thanks for the replies. Yes, I can understand how he'd want to have sex to feel closer, but I guess in my eyes right now it kind of showed lack of respect for my wishes.

I found out about a month ago he cheated on me earlier in the summer and have hard a hard time moving beyond that. I told him I wanted a break earlier in the previous week and he said he realized he would have to accept this (we've been struggling for the last 3 months and I've tried to initiate many breaks but he always talks me out of them).

Anyway, he drove me to and from the airport and I guess in his mind this meant we were moving past the 'break' idea again. I'm just not sure I want to go there and him assuming we'd have sex really bothered me, especially when I said I didn't and he said he wasn't going to press anything...

He's lied to me many times in the past in order to hide things he didn't want me to know or get his way so I guess this just felt like it added to that list.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2004
Mon, 12-19-2011 - 4:24pm

"I found out about a month ago he cheated on me earlier in the summer and have hard a hard time moving beyond that."

"....

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2011
Mon, 12-19-2011 - 4:31pm
Thanks for the response... that's the gut feeling I have right now. I was trying to keep going through the holiday in hopes that it may make me feel different and bring us closer together again, but I feel like there's a wall I've put up and just don't feel that sense of closeness and love for him any more. The passion is completely gone.

He's trying so hard to be sweet and show me he loves me, but even in this these little lies or whatever I should call it of his intentions are still coming through.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Mon, 12-19-2011 - 6:22pm

I don't know whether your intuitions are right or not.

What I would advise is that you are operating filters which may or may not be accurate and be helping you.

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Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Mon, 12-19-2011 - 6:55pm

When you sat "breaks" do you mean break-up and get back together?

chaika

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2011
Mon, 12-19-2011 - 7:13pm

Well, it's not really set and that's the problem.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003
Tue, 12-20-2011 - 9:23am
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That's not "something," it's everything. It sounds like your gut feeling is pointing you in the right direction. I had a similar gut feeling about my first husband from the time we started dating. It took me 11 years to finally listen to it, due to the usual fear of "never finding anyone else" and rationalization that "he's really great in some ways." I believe that an overall sense of unease about a relationship is highly unlikely (make that extremely unlikely) to change. Instead, you'll plow through the days with that niggling and energy-draining sense of doubt in the background. Having lived through this for 11 years, I don't recommend it.

Freelance
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Tue, 12-20-2011 - 10:34am

I agree that if you can't trust him, you have no foundation for your relationship.

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