hurt and confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2010
hurt and confused
31
Sun, 05-23-2010 - 3:06am
My husband and I were married 4 years ago and were very sexually active in the beginning of our relationship.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2009
Sun, 05-23-2010 - 1:54pm

Its not a case of ML,IMO. There is much more going on in your marriage as a whole and sex issue is just another symptom.You may want to repost at other boards.

Does you H see it as a problem? No.Then unfortunately there isnt much you can do as it takes both partners to recognize something as a problem and then work to make it better.

You annoy him when you talk about your concern? He is being emotionally abusive,dear.You are 'in love ' with him?huh? Its a typical abusive behavior ,hon.What you love about him is what he 'was' and your 'idea' of him being what he could be.He is confusing you by being lovey dovey in one way but then rejecting at another times.You love the 'lovey dovey' aspect while he does it to keep you where you are.Its a typical abusive cycle.Ive been there ,so trust me,leave.

You will forever keep guessing whats wrong and try to make it right but dont forget it takes two to make it work.You alone cant do it .Go counceling and take him if he would.

He might be having an affair,he might not be attracted to you,he might be faithful but checked out of marriage,he may be gay... the list is an endless list of speculation and you will drive yourself insane trying to figure it out if he refuses to be a willing partner to make the marriage work.

Kids are never a good reason to stay married in an abusive marriage.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2010
Sun, 05-23-2010 - 4:00pm
Thank you for your advice, it is nice to have an objective person who is not emotionally involved in the situation.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Sun, 05-23-2010 - 5:37pm

There may be a couple of other possibilities here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2010
Mon, 05-24-2010 - 2:42am

The oldest is 3 1/2 and the youngest one just turned a year old.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Mon, 05-24-2010 - 3:24am

Do persist.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2010
Mon, 05-24-2010 - 7:11am
The best time to even attempt bringing things up is after he gets up in the morning and has his coffee.
Avatar for holdingontoit
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Mon, 05-24-2010 - 9:22am

I agree there are many possible explanations but he needs to be open and honest with you.

When you see it coming, duck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2009
Mon, 05-24-2010 - 10:01am

Well, I dont want to rain it down on you but him just saying he is not in the mood and not doing /saying anything else is no indication that its a positive sign.Very likely he was putting you off again as he didnt want to start the convo right in the morning.

A marriage is not a battle field and it doesnt have to be soo difficult.

I feel sorry for you.How long are you going to wait for a small little gesture of acceptance or his willingness to work on it, when clearly he doesnt see it as a problem?Listen dear,give yourself a time line ,say a month max and make yourself heard.Communicate your needs and unhappiness.Tell him how you feel.Suggest counseling.Dont spend months and months on it.

If nothing works,leave.I cant stress enuf that if he doesnt see it as a problem and is not coperating,there is nothing you can do.Sorry!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2004
Mon, 05-24-2010 - 10:15am

<>

Sometimes being patient and understanding is exactly the wrong approach. It just lets the other person off the hook for as long as you can remain patient and understanding. After you have tried patience and understanding, it may be time to switch gears and be more persistent. Explain that you have been patient and understanding for X amount of time but it's time to get down to business and start communicating.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2009
Mon, 05-24-2010 - 10:20am

"Sometimes being patient and understanding is exactly the wrong approach." ITA.

After sometime,you have to get up and take the bull by its horns.

Pages