I am not LL now, I am NL...

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2010
I am not LL now, I am NL...
24
Mon, 03-14-2011 - 2:13pm

So I have gone from high libido, to low libido, to literally no libido. It's lasted for weeks. I don't know what to do at this point. We have sex about two times a week on my partner's initiation and while I'd prefer not to, it doesn't feel bad and I usually orgasm. I try not to turn my partner down.

There's a number of things it COULD be:

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Tue, 03-15-2011 - 7:01am

So are you concerned that this may be a persistent state of affairs, or do you think you are responding to beliefs

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2010
Tue, 03-15-2011 - 8:44am

Thank you for your input, mol.

"So are you concerned that this may be a persistent state of affairs, or do you think you are responding to beliefs

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Tue, 03-15-2011 - 9:24am

It sounds like some be-kind-to-myself is in order, and I'm wondering whether you're kind of withdrawing from anything which needs or demands some kind of extra energy from yourself - that although it's great that you're feeling energetic overall, because right now you're saying you need "120%" for study, you may think, well sexual interest is discretionary and will have to wait for the time being (e.g. till your exams or assessment are done).

I'm not sure how common complete lack of interest is, I suspect more common than we think, certainly situationally - not something that people go out boasting about....

Is there a way you could satisfy

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2010
Tue, 03-15-2011 - 10:21am

"It sounds like some be-kind-to-myself is in order, and I'm wondering whether you're kind of withdrawing from anything which needs or demands some kind of extra energy from yourself - that although it's great that you're feeling energetic overall, because right now you're saying you need "120%" for study, you may think, well sexual interest is discretionary and will have to wait for the time being (e.g. till your exams or assessment are done)."

This very well may be my subconcious reasoning, but the trouble is that my study load will only increase for the next three years. I took on a college course in addition to a total of 120 points at uni (you're in the UK too, aren't you?) and the college course requires a day a week. For half of that I am in class and has a sitter for my daughter. My plan is to continue studying at more than 100 % for... well, a while? I even think I will bump it up to an extra 8 hours of study per week in September, to achieve a qualification in the college course.

It seems to be going fine, I just got my first assignment back for the current course I am doing from my uni tutor and I was scored in the highest bracket, so there is nothing to suggest I shouldn't be continuing with the extra, except the lack of a sex drive. But I note that you think it may be related, even if I feel fine.

Maybe my brain simply has no room for sexual thoughts at the moment? ;)

"I'm not sure how common complete lack of interest is, I suspect more common than we think, certainly situationally - not something that people go out boasting about...."

No, I guess this is a problem. The message tends to be that we can do it all - great relationship, multiple kids, great jobs/study...

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2004
Tue, 03-15-2011 - 10:48am

Maybe my brain simply has no room for sexual thoughts at the moment?

I think there may be something to that, actually.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2007
Tue, 03-15-2011 - 11:28am
  • Lack of turn on: I love my partner more than anything, but I find cleaning up his used tissue paper and dirty boxers repulsive. And yes, I have tried telling him this in gentle terms, but no, it had no effect.
  • Good distraction frees us from emotional pain, bad distraction gives you a mouth full of whizz. ~~~ Guru Tugginmypudha
    iVillage Member
    Registered: 09-30-2010
    Tue, 03-15-2011 - 11:40am

    "That seems to be very common in LLs, spending a great deal of energy avoiding sex rather than using that energy to enjoy sex.

    iVillage Member
    Registered: 09-30-2010
    Tue, 03-15-2011 - 11:46am

    "I know what you mean though. Mine leaves socks under the coffee table. I've learned to find it endearing. When he was gone for a week, I put my socks under the table to "think of him.""

    I am generally a quite generous and accepting person, and there isn't much about him that annoys me. But things I find down-right repulsive, such as dirty socks and underwear, nail clippings (!) and snotty paper tissue, gets to me. I do near to all the housework, though he occasionally puts on some laundry or does the dishes, and it doesn't bother me. The fact, however, that I have to tidy up disgusting things after a grown man is beyond me. The toilet, bin and laundry basket is a few steps away. Just do it and avoid repulsing your partner... Should be a fair deal

    iVillage Member
    Registered: 09-16-2004
    Tue, 03-15-2011 - 12:12pm

    I am a bit confused at how you mean I hinted about taking control back.

    This:

    iVillage Member
    Registered: 05-04-2006
    Tue, 03-15-2011 - 12:18pm
    >>This: At the same time I am enjoying "getting rid of" a need.<<

    I didn't read this as being about control at all. She is merely relieved to get one "have to do" off her already overcrammed to do list. I remember how it feels to have so many "have to do" items on the list that getting adequate sleep was not ever even going to make it to the first tier of the priority pile. Anything that could have been taken off the list was a relief.

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