I don't know what to do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2011
I don't know what to do.
137
Sun, 06-12-2011 - 7:36am

Like others here, I am at a loss.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Sun, 06-12-2011 - 8:22am

...I think you should take her at her word...she's just not as into sex right now...I think you should stop looking at external things that you think are important (splitting housework...trying to be a good husband/father) as things on a list to tick off in order to increase her sex drive...I think it would be best if you sit her down and work out a compromise...maybe split the numbers (something that works for me and my husband...) or switch weeks...one week the two of you have all of the sex that you want and she enthusiastically participates by switching positions, engaging in different acts, presenting a loving, giving attitude, and vocalizing...the next week she has all of the sex that she wants (or not) and you enthusiastically engage in the manner she desires...that would give you a week to look forward to and week for her to be in her comfort zone...again, I would stop focusing on what can increase her sex drive and work toward a compromise...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2010
Sun, 06-12-2011 - 10:47am

WOW...You could be my H!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2009
Sun, 06-12-2011 - 11:27am
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2009
Sun, 06-12-2011 - 11:35am
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2010
Sun, 06-12-2011 - 12:34pm

Hi Tranquility... hate to hijack...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2009
Sun, 06-12-2011 - 3:43pm
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
Sun, 06-12-2011 - 4:40pm

46dad-

Hi. I am a man 2 years older than you. Like the other posters, I suspect that your wife has unmet needs that she has not expressed properly to you. From my experience, a lot of people don't convey their needs and concerns well in a relationship. Of the four women I've been seriously involved with, only my wife of 4 years expresses herself well. (BTW, she has been good with meeting my needs in bed.)

So, ask your wife when a good time to talk to her is. (You don't just want to blurt things out here.) Then, at the agreed upon time, have a conversation that is focused on her needs. Ask outright if she has unmet needs in your relationship. Also, ask if there are things you can do to make her happier.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2010
Sun, 06-12-2011 - 7:04pm

Hi again, Tranquility :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Sun, 06-12-2011 - 10:00pm

...I don't agree that she has unmet needs...I think she is simply not as into sex as he is...and, all of the house work and child care sharing will not increase her libido...you're still approaching this as though there is a fix that will suddenly unlock an LL's libido and they will become sex crazy (or, simply as interested in sex as you are)...common HL mistake (in my opinion)...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003
Sun, 06-12-2011 - 10:27pm

As a LL woman myself, I can see that you don't quite "get" your wife yet. You don't understand that it's possible to be in love with your partner AND not have sex on your radar much. Understandably, you interpret her rejection of sex as rejection of you. That's not how she sees it, I bet. She may adore you, but not view sex as a must-have or even love-to-have, for the simple reason that she doesn't feel any of your urgency for sex.

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