I don't know what else to do

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2011
I don't know what else to do
4
Mon, 08-15-2011 - 7:09am
I met my current partner 3 and a half years ago. Our sex life, at best is what I'd define as unsatisfactory- not because the sex is bad but because if we have sex on average once a month. I feel like I've tried everything, I've tried the romantic approach, I've tried doing sweet things like poetry, love notes, I've tried being sexually dominant, sexually passive, I've even suggested counselling. I know some people may attribute it to lesbian bed death but it's been like this since month 6. It's gotten to the point that in the past year we've even argued about it because I feel like she mustn't find me attractive, that I must not be doing something right in bed (I've even asked numerous times for her to tell me how she wants me to make love to her to make it a more pleasurable experience and her answer is always that I'm not
doing anything wrong) I've gained 30 pounds in the last year in big part due to feeling I'm completely unattractive and not believing in myself. Some friends wonder why I'm still with her when I'm not getting my needs met, but I love her, my children love her, and besides the sex issue (which is big) I feel like we are a good match with things to offer each other. Opinions??
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Mon, 08-15-2011 - 9:55am

Was it good or more frequent or more what you want up to month 6, and then went downhill?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2011
Mon, 08-15-2011 - 11:35am
It went downhill the moment we moved in together, I don't know if there are any specific triggers... She always says she's stressed or that it's her own self esteem issues but won't do anything to try and fix it. I feel like I'm losing myself, like I'm not desirable.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Mon, 08-15-2011 - 12:13pm

Unfortunately one of the nastiest thing this does to a person is to rock their own sense of worth & desirability - and to question whether you're the one to "blame".

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Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Mon, 08-15-2011 - 12:48pm

Hi

dragowoman