I feel like crap
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|Thu, 07-14-2011 - 1:18pm|
W's father, already in generally terrible health--Diabetes, two strokes, broken leg that won't heal, etc--was admitted to the hospital today coughing up blood, and they found a mass in one of his lungs. He's having a biopsy tomorrow to see if it's cancerous.
W and I haven't made love in two weeks and haven't had non-"quickie" sex in months. I've been resentful, miserable and irritable and we've been fighting for a couple days now.
She just called and told me about her father. I wish I could say the resentment, misery and irritation evaporated but that didn't happen. As I hung up the phone I was thinking about how much easier all this would be to deal with if we'd made love to each other in the last few days. Sex with W can create such feelings of warmth and closeness and intimate safety while her father going into the hospital doesn't. I am clearly an a--hole.
So please add guilt and shame to the mix.
I need to go lie down for a while so my five year old doesn't see me crying.