I guess I'm not alone here!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
I guess I'm not alone here!!!
Tue, 10-04-2011 - 5:41pm

I am a newly wed.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
Wed, 10-05-2011 - 7:52am


What is your ideal sexual frequency? While 1-2 times a week is

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2011
Wed, 10-05-2011 - 10:03am

Sorry but I dont see anything wrong with the frequency that is happening here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Wed, 10-05-2011 - 10:12am
>>We did "do it" a couple of days ago after almost a week. He kept saying how it felt like something was "blocked". He asked if I noticed if anything had come out. The whole thing was really discouraging for me because it had been over a week and as soon as he was finished he's complaining of issues.<<

If your partner feels like something is "blocked" that requires more investigation, not a bunch of drama on your part. Are you implying that he's lying about feeling like something is wrong? Just because he had a physical that showed he was "normal" doesn't mean that it's not possible that something is wrong! You need to ask considerate, concerned questions to find out what is going on with HIM instead of making it all about you and your needs.

It is possible that he has a blocked duct, low testosterone, or something else going on physically, but you don't even seem to be interested in finding out what's going on. You just want what you want. I'd say it might be worthwhile to do some talking and investigating/research and maybe visiting with some doctors before "wondering what I'm going to do if things don't improve."
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2008
Fri, 10-07-2011 - 8:18am

Hi there,

In addition to this board, you might also try asking the Sex Over 40 board.


Avatar for holdingontoit
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Tue, 10-11-2011 - 11:39am
Glad that others have responded before I did. I am the local "eeyore", so take my views with a grain of salt.

To me, guys who are good about "not putting the moves on" come in 2 flavors. Wimps like me. And guys who are just not that into sex.

Either way, you tend to find out which kind you have shortly after marriage. Guys like me go crazy for sex, because being married gives us "permission" to let our freak flag fly. We want more sex after marriage, and if we married a LL woman who liked that we weren't tthat into sex while dating, there will be conflict.

The guys who are not that into sex tend to want less sex after marriage. That sounds like what you got.

We see this fairly often. Woman in her 30s or 40s who has been hounded for sex for decades finds a "nice" guy who is willing to wait. She is thrilled to not be treated like a piece of meat, maybe for the first time since she hit puberty. She is looking forward to be able to give herself to him fully and completely after marriage. Then they get married, and he isn't interested. How dare he!

Unfortunately, there does seem to be something of a required tradeoff for women. A guy who is going to continue to want sex after marriage is going to have some less than thrilling characteristics: he will push for sex while dating, he will notice other women, he won't be pleased to take no for an answer. Guys who are tremendously patient and polite, who only have eyes for you, and who are fine with being told "no", tend to be lower libido. So they don't always want sex when their partner does. Very hard to fnd "nice" and "safe" paired with "good to go whenever I want to".

I would take the others' advice and explore medical issues. I would listen to your husband and find out what he means by "blocked". Hopefully that will resolve the issue.

If not, you need to be brutally honest about what you need and expect from a marriage. If that include lots of sex, tell him. Be willing to find a win-win solution that may not take the form of "lots of intercourse". But don't accept less than what you need ot be happy with the relationship. If there isno way, shape or form that he can provide what you need, better to discover that now.

Good luck.

When you see it coming, duck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Tue, 10-18-2011 - 7:16am

I think you could be right.