I want sex but my boyfriend doesn't

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2011
I want sex but my boyfriend doesn't
7
Sat, 06-25-2011 - 10:04am

I am 26 years old and live with my boyfriend, 37, with whom I've been together for just over a year. We have a great relationship, affection, support...etc. the only difference is that I want to have sex but he doesn't. He doesn't get turned on half the time when I'm naked or barely dressed. This hasn't happened to us at all before, we've had a great sex life and the frequency was never an issue. Now I'm at a point where I feel like I'm begging him to have sex with me. What's worse is when he tries and he doesn't get hard. I am now afraid to even touch him or make any flirty remarks because he told me before the pressure to perform makes him anxious.

There are mornings when he's not hard at all, or when he tries to masterbate, he can't get it either. But there are some mornings, when he's o.k.

He's gone to a specialist for a check up and after his tests, they said he is low on the "free flowing testosterone". (Whatever that means...).

I've tried talking to him and bringing up all the possible explanations, but he disagrees with each one (e.g. he's not attracted to me anymore, or he'd like to see other people, or cheating...etc.) I've been very open to him, and he's been open to be too. He is also upset about this situation and asked me to support him. I don't know how. He's now taking all these natural substances to enhance his libido/energy.

There are no health problems involved as far as physical stressors: he drinks casualy, non-smoker, very sporty...etc.

I just don't know what to do anymore as many of you know, sexual rejection feels like crap.

Any suggestions?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Sat, 06-25-2011 - 12:34pm

..what did the doctor suggest for the low testosterone?...

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2003
Sun, 06-26-2011 - 1:24am

Perhaps give it some time. Dig deep and find patience, at least for a few months.

Honestly, the fact that he's LL and/or ED and STILL willing to "be open" as you say, seek help, and take natural substances is really, really encouraging. At least he's making an effort...this is rare for the typical LL male.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2011
Tue, 06-28-2011 - 4:11pm

Since he doesn't get hard even when trying to masturbate, that should be a direct signal that it has nothing to do with you. Don't feel like it's your fault, or has anything to do with you (although I know how horrible it feels).

Having him visit a specialist might help. Many urology clinics also specialize in male sexual health. Him not being able to get an erection is not normal for a 30 something man. It sounds like he might have ED (erectile dysfunction).

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Tue, 06-28-2011 - 5:49pm

Hi

dragowoman

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2011
Mon, 07-11-2011 - 11:16pm

As long as he's willing to continue looking into it with you I think that's a good sign.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Tue, 07-12-2011 - 7:44am

...if his doctor has told him that he's low on testosterone, believe him...please stop and think..."how can his low desire for me (if that is what you feel is the problem) result in a lowering of testosterone?"...I'd say right about now he feels like a "girly-man" with all of your anxiety pouring over him...it's a vicious cycle...what has the doctor lined as out a line of treatment for low testosterone?...

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Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Tue, 07-12-2011 - 2:13pm

Z you are right!

dragowoman