Initiating Sex - One Sided?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2010
Initiating Sex - One Sided?
53
Sun, 09-19-2010 - 6:14pm

I guess it is due to ML with my DW, but I seem to be the one who has to initiate ANY PHYSICAL CONTACT.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2010
Sun, 09-19-2010 - 6:18pm

First, I'm sorry you're going through this. I need to ask, you have to initiate all physical contact with your DW, or just sexual contact? I ask, because it may be to the point that your DW believes that you will interpret any touch, no matter how innocent, as sexual.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2010
Sun, 09-19-2010 - 6:47pm
Yes, I have to initiate ALL contact, including non-sexual.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2009
Sun, 09-19-2010 - 9:51pm
What does she say when you try to talk about this with her?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Mon, 09-20-2010 - 5:31am
And when did this start?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2010
Mon, 09-20-2010 - 8:16am
She doesn't want to talk about it when I bring it up.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2010
Mon, 09-20-2010 - 8:22am

This started about 10 years ago.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Mon, 09-20-2010 - 8:49am
...what about her family?...as far as the children go, has she always been undemonstrative with physical affection?...is it a loveless marriage?...does she show her love for you in any way?...how does she like you to show love for her?...through providing an income/stable life...doing chores...any ideas on what is important to her?...
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Mon, 09-20-2010 - 8:50am

>>Oh well, I guess I'm stuck in a loveless, miserable relationship for the rest of my life.<<

You may well be miserable, but that is at least in part a choice you make. You need to be careful about assuming she doesn't love you, just because she doesn't express it in the same way you would. I would say go to counseling, tell her you are going, tell her you would like for her to come along, but you are going to go with or without her. It will help you understand yourself better, and give you tools for dealing with and looking at your situation in a more positive light.

roo and snowy siggie
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2010
Mon, 09-20-2010 - 9:06am
I suggest reading "The Five Love Languages". It may well be that physical touch is not a way that she expresses or receives expressions of love. It's a good book, and might shed some insight. Not all people are physically demonstrative with affection. And I second Miranda's suggestion about going to counseling by yourself if your DW will not go.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2010
Mon, 09-20-2010 - 10:14am

Thanks for the advice and feedback!

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