Living separate to build desire

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Living separate to build desire
15
Wed, 02-16-2011 - 4:47pm

I forget if this topic has been discussed but I couldn't help but to notice that my "home" board was in a rut.

I never lived apart with my wife after we started having sex but I notice with my gf, since we live apart, sex is much hotter if we haven't see each other for a couple of days or more. I'm wondering if there isn't a sub-set of ML's who could benefit from either living apart or either party, say - staying with friends, neighbors, family, etc. for a night or two in order to give the LL time to recharge and perhaps provide a quicker recharge compared to continuously living together, same bed, etc. If a location nearby was available, parents could even see their kids easy enough without ever having to come home and see their SO.

Anyway, there it is.

Pros and cons?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2004
Wed, 02-16-2011 - 5:13pm

I think that's great in theory for some ML couples but hard to pull off for financial reasons or comfort reasons.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Wed, 02-16-2011 - 5:36pm

It didn't hit me til after I started this thread but what would you tell the kids was your reason?

One couple friend of mine only see each other on the weekends even though they live about a 15 min drive from one another. They have been an item for about 10 years now and other than reporting hotter sex, they just like their independence in the general sense.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2010
Wed, 02-16-2011 - 5:54pm

I think this might work for some couples, and not for others.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Thu, 02-17-2011 - 6:16am

...I think, as with all things...it would work for some people...for me, it all goes back to whether I am attracted the man, period...my first husband (wasn't attracted to him) "did" 90 day rotations in and out of Africa for most of our marriage, so we were always in a state of what should have been a honey moon stage...but, it didn't help my attraction for him or my libido...when my husband (current) attended a military 'reunion" last summer, he was gone for 4 days and I couldn't wait to see him for a variety of reasons...but, in the end, I prefer to live with him and enjoy having him around...it'll be interesting if a poster or two comes across this thread who are living with this arrangment...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Thu, 02-17-2011 - 9:05am
I can see this working for some, esp those with a high need for autonomy. I can also see it backfiring, and eroding the bond for some, esp those with a higher need for the reassurance that daily interaction brings. It would be a delicate balance to make sure that there was sufficient together time, while still maintaing the required "distance time" to keep things hot.

I know it would not work for me in my current relationship (DH has a very high need for interaction, we speak at least twice during my work day, then are together pretty much every moment I am not working.) But I would be willing to try it in another relationship, if that ever became a reality.
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Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Thu, 02-17-2011 - 10:41am

dragowoman

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Thu, 02-17-2011 - 11:07am
Isn't the Coolidge effect more about New Relationship Energy (NRE) ore PEA (the new relationship hormone)?
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Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Thu, 02-17-2011 - 12:25pm

Hi

dragowoman

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2010
Thu, 02-17-2011 - 12:30pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Thu, 02-17-2011 - 1:11pm
>>am not sure but PEA is close to this. The bio-chemical reaction is quite possible, However I think it is more complex set of hardwired behaviors. Males tend to be this way through out mammalian species. A new female is almost always more sexually appealing. <<

It's not true just for males, imo. And I LUV that pic of the prairie dogs.

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