Love and Wanting and Needing

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2009
Love and Wanting and Needing
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Thu, 05-26-2011 - 9:51am

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Thu, 05-26-2011 - 11:43am
TG, I find the passage that you posted from this book to be way too vague to serve as guidance.

"wanting and needing" is not clear cut to me. Does the author mean physically? If so, then I don't think what he is purporting about being "addicted to an image of the person" makes sense. If he's not talking about physical wanting and needing then exactly what IS he talking about?

I think "needing" another person is a slippery slope, and one best avoided. I think the best love relationships are the ones where you WANT to be together, and stay together based on that, not on some "need." Needing someone screams of co-dependence, and lack of self sufficiency. Nothing wrong with wanting someone's company, for instance, but if you NEED to with them, or cannot stand to be alone or without them, that sounds unhealthy.

Not sure what the author is going for here. It sort of feels like astrology. So vague it could apply to anything. And I don't see anything fundamentally wrong with wanting to be "with" someone....regardless of what that means to you, as long as it doesn't cross over into that unhealthy territory.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2004
Thu, 05-26-2011 - 12:08pm

I agree with mirandarr8's assessment.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003
Thu, 05-26-2011 - 1:40pm

Hi TG,

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2010
Thu, 05-26-2011 - 2:56pm

I have to agree with Miranda and the slippery slope of "needing" someone.

Avatar for holdingontoit
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Thu, 05-26-2011 - 3:11pm
I am in the worst of all worlds. I need her but I don't want her.

When you see it coming, duck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Thu, 05-26-2011 - 3:21pm
>>I am in the worst of all worlds. I need her but I don't want her<<

Hold, you don't "need" her either. Is there anything she actually does for you that you have to have done that you could not get somewhere else or do for yourself? I don't think so. This is something I have to remind myself of all the time. I don't NEED my DH. I depend on him, sure, but I don't need him. If he vanished into thin air tomorrow, I'd be able to provide for myself, take care of business, and move forward in life. My life might not be as happy or comfortable, but I would go on. You could do the same.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2009
Thu, 05-26-2011 - 3:58pm
I think he totally separates Eros and Agape......I agree with you that I see a marriage as the 2 intertwined ....... Maybe me and the other HL's aren't adult enough to separate them completely.....it may be one of my many cognitive lapses.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Thu, 05-26-2011 - 11:37pm
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2009
Fri, 05-27-2011 - 4:56am
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2009
Fri, 05-27-2011 - 5:05am

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