Low Libedo

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2005
Low Libedo
Mon, 08-29-2011 - 8:43pm

Hi there,

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
In reply to: tam1969
Tue, 08-30-2011 - 11:37am

Not sure of your exact issues, but trying to make things exactly like they "used to be" is a losing proposition. Better to maximize the now, than to continue to pine for the past.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
In reply to: tam1969
Wed, 08-31-2011 - 11:56am

Agree with Miranda, are you clear about what it is you really want, and what it's worth to get that.

Avatar for holdingontoit
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
In reply to: tam1969
Thu, 09-01-2011 - 6:23pm
First you must decide how badly you want this. Badly enough to risk the relationship?

If not, you can keep trying to talk, but you know in the end you will back down. So you might as well start getting used to the idea that you are choosing to stay and that decision is made of your own free will. Which means you might as well make the best of it. Resenting your wife for "depriving" you of sex is an outlook guaranteed to make you unhappy. I know. BTDT and have 20 years of unsatisfying life to show for it.

If you are willing to risk the relationship, then explain to her that you are willing to help her work through whatever issues are causing her to be reluctant to have sex, but that help must come in some manner other than not having sex until she feels differently. You will help her feel better about not wanting it or not liking the changes in her body or not thinking a mother should be having frequent sex or whatever other feelings she neds help working through. But you won't tolerate her pulling a "full ostrich" by avoiding sex to avoid her feelings.

She may take you up on the offer. She may ask you to step up in other areas, which is only fair. She may tell you she isn't willing to have sex no matter how badly you want it or what consequences may arise from her refusal. That leaves you with a tough choice.

But focus on the power contained in your being able to make a choice rather than on your inability to create the choice you want most (your current wife and mother of your children wanting to make love with you often). If you focus on what you cannot change, you will feel bad. Focus on what you can change.

Easy to say. Not easy to implement. Good luck.

When you see it coming, duck!