The Mathematics of Mismatch

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
The Mathematics of Mismatch
10
Tue, 06-29-2010 - 9:15am
The Mathematics of Mismatch

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Tue, 06-29-2010 - 9:16am
PART 1. Compromise.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Tue, 06-29-2010 - 9:17am
PART 2. Compromise in practice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Tue, 06-29-2010 - 9:18am
PART 3. Combinatorials

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Tue, 06-29-2010 - 9:19am
PART 4.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Tue, 06-29-2010 - 9:26am
...mol42...I am a terrible board member as I usually don't read the articles and longer posts...I usually scan the board to see what's newly posted and then respond...but, I think compromise is not fair...and,even in a compromise there are wins and losses...my husband would prefer sex 2xs a day, I am sexually fulfilled at 3-4 times a week...we've compromised down to 1x a day...he loses if one looks at the math...but, he feels sexually fulfilled at 1x a day (even though he would enjoy far more encounters a week)...and, he wants to stay married to me...so, he doesn't describe the compromise as a loss for him, as a matter of fact...he uses the words "more than fair"...I probably won't get a chance to read more right now...but, I'll enjoy reading the responses...
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003
Tue, 06-29-2010 - 9:45am

Hi Mol,

Many good points and very little to argue with. Your description of having to get into your partner's brain and do your level best to understand an alien mindset is most valuable.

One thing you didn't address is initiation. In your view, do you think it's reasonable for the person who wants sex more to initiate more, or do you think the LL also has a duty (to the relationship) to do a fair share of initiating? I think this is one of the stumbling blocks for LLs: the idea that, on top of engaging in sex without desire, they're called to initiate sex when not in the mood (and play-act more enjoyment than actually felt).

I understand the mirror-image issue for HLs: the abject dread of initiating and then getting shot down. Still, I'd be interested in your response to my question.

Freelance

Avatar for holdingontoit
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Tue, 06-29-2010 - 10:06am

Don't really see much math in the posts.

When you see it coming, duck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Tue, 06-29-2010 - 10:26am

very little to argue with - ah, well, I've been learning from some smart people.....


I did spend some time thinking about building a really detailed

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Tue, 06-29-2010 - 10:34am

I'd have loved to do some diagrams because they're much more informative and intuitive than words - regrettably the forum doesn't support image embeds.

Avatar for holdingontoit
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Tue, 06-29-2010 - 11:15am

I agree it is dismal when there is no frequency which produces a net positive for the couple.

When you see it coming, duck!