ML and affairs

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2010
ML and affairs
294
Fri, 06-17-2011 - 7:08pm

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Fri, 06-17-2011 - 8:25pm

...have you told your husband that he just doesn't "do it" for you anymore?....does he suspect that you are having an affair?...what do you mean you've tried to end your affair???...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2010
Fri, 06-17-2011 - 10:34pm

Have I told him he "doesn't do it"...not in those words, but more tactfully, yes...like i said, he gets VERY defensive and doesn't seem to understand that just because something needs to change doesn't mean his way is "wrong", just that it's "not right" for me... And for my part, I will say that through a LARGE chunk of our marriage I was TERRIBLE at articulating my needs, but when I learned to do that (through counseling that I attended alone) I was met with that defensive stance...NOT quite how that's supposed to go... I have been unsuccessful at breaking through that.

Does he suspect?...IF he does (and I don't think he does, but I've read BS's say they always knew, but I think maybe that's mostly females with more highly tuned radars...) he has not uttered a peep. I became distant before affair started, and he works LONG hours.

Three months into affair and shortly after sex for first time w/ other man...ended it...cold turkey...three months of no contact w/ other man. Obviously we didn't leave it ended.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Sat, 06-18-2011 - 2:22am
hiskimber wrote:

After getting through the bulk of the labor-intensive child-rearing years, I sort of woke up and discovered I was a different person :) Yes, I know it didn't happen overnight, but it sure seemed that way. Content one day . . . BORED and restless the next.

...Because of the comfort that provided our family, I was fine with it until that fateful "day" when I all of the sudden realized, "I have everything I've

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003
Sat, 06-18-2011 - 5:12am

Well... It sounds like you're the one who changed, not your DH. Not that change is a bad thing, but something in your tone sounds a little self-entitled. Your DH is just being the guy he's always been.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Sat, 06-18-2011 - 6:31am

Well, it is a "nice" group, and I figure

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2010
Sat, 06-18-2011 - 9:21am

Guess I should have worked my first post on this board into what I said in this one: I responded to another poster who believed his wife was LL and I was telling him from the sound of **HIS** story that possibly she wasn't LL at all. Because his story sounded like the flip side of mine.

Anyway: my

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2010
Sat, 06-18-2011 - 9:27am

You're right freelancemomma....and

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2010
Sat, 06-18-2011 - 9:47am

Thanks, mol.

Yes, I UNDERSTAND the entire range of hurt I could cast over many lives.

I do own my contribution: I sat silently for years not saying that I felt I was giving and bending a lot to his needs while my own went unmet. That's on me. And through therapy (again, I'll add alone because he did not want to go) I learned to do that. Leadership..A little gun-shy as I've been shot down in that regard, but I can give it another go...

I know men are not emotional idiots...FAR from it :) Guess that's why I've been so HURT that he has met my attempts to talk with defensiveness and anger over how he could possibly be doing anything "wrong".

"HORRID" on the providing enough so he doesn't "squawk"...think if I'm rolling over crying I don't KNOW that, thus the reason I'm here. I can't put words to the pain.... his actions/inactions have been no picnic for me, either.

Of course I need to do something different...I've

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2010
Sat, 06-18-2011 - 10:34am

Oh and I forgot, mol:

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Sat, 06-18-2011 - 11:13am

Thanks for the update, I did actually mean, either make or break your marital relationship,

Pages