More fun with frame of reference (kinda OT)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
More fun with frame of reference (kinda OT)
25
Thu, 12-09-2010 - 11:20am

Here's a frame of reference issue that clearly illustrates a conundrum.

DH doesn't sleep well.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2004
Thu, 12-09-2010 - 11:30am

Treat him the way he wants to be treated, not the way you think he should want to be treated.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Thu, 12-09-2010 - 11:32am
Magnaniman,

The problem with that is that it reinforces that it is okay for him to wake me. Which it isn't and never will be. Not to mention the fact that then I have to pay the price of dealing with his cranky azz. So there really isn't enough payoff to balance out the negative there, kwim?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2007
Thu, 12-09-2010 - 11:46am

Agree to start waking him occasionally (when you know you cant go back to sleep) with the agreement that he not wake you up.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2004
Thu, 12-09-2010 - 11:50am

With your DH, you are damned if you do or damned if you don't but at least you have a better case if you do as he asks, even if you know there will be consequences.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Thu, 12-09-2010 - 11:52am

Sleep is sacred. It affects everything about you.

Health, stress, mental sharpness, mood, longevity, productivity, income, you name it. I think I told you this story but when my stbxw started messin with my sleep I moved out of the bedroom and the first time she came into the room I was sleeping in to disrupt my sleep I called the police for spousal abuse and torture. That was the last time she tried it.

I will compromise on many things but sleep is not one of them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Thu, 12-09-2010 - 11:57am
>>Sleep is sacred. It affects everything about you.

Health, stress, mental sharpness, mood, longevity, productivity, income, you name it. I think I told you this story but when my stbxw started messin with my sleep I moved out of the bedroom and he first time she came into the room I was sleeping in to disrupt my sleep I called the police for spousal abuse and torture. That was the last time she tried it.

I will compromise on many things, but not sleep.<<

I agree with all of this. As a matter of fact the only time he actually even began to understand my position on this is when my psychiatrist called him and explained that due to my anxiety disorder and my grueling school and work demands, that it was ESSENTIAL to my continued mental health that I get at least 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep every night. The doctor also told him that he would not agree to treat me unless this stipulation was met.

Before that it was much worse. Now he TRIES to confine his waking of me to times when I do not have to get up for work. He still wakes me during the work week sometimes, but much less than he once did. I guess I should be happy it is better. It used to be nightly.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Thu, 12-09-2010 - 12:09pm
>>Agree to start waking him occasionally (when you know you cant go back to sleep) with the agreement that he not wake you up. The next time he is cranky after you have woken him up, verbally remind him that if he keeps it up you wont be so eager to wake him up.<<

See, but he never agrees that he is being cranky. He always says he is fine. Total BS denial.

My sleep pattern is much better than it was. I usually manage to fall back asleep after waking, IF we do NOT have sex. If we have sex in the middle of the night it most often takes me around an hour after we finish to get back to sleep.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Thu, 12-09-2010 - 12:21pm

I don't care for my gf's sleeping habits because she's all over the map when it comes to sleep hours and durations. The only problems we've had which have

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2010
Thu, 12-09-2010 - 12:30pm

It often occurs to me that your DH behaves like an attention-sick child, mirandarr. I am sure you have heard this comparison before. However, have you tried to respond to him as one?

mir: "I am sleeping right now, so we can talk in the morning."
DH: "Yes, but I just want some...
mir: "As I said - I am sleeping right now, so whatever you need we can talk about tomorrow."
DH: I am so sick of you ignoring my needs! (or whatever else he says to start a fight)
mir: "I am sorry you feel that way. We will still talk in the morning."
DH:

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Thu, 12-09-2010 - 2:13pm

nm didn't copy paste well

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