My H doesn't know how good he has it!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2000
My H doesn't know how good he has it!
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Fri, 04-06-2012 - 9:11am

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Fri, 04-06-2012 - 9:30am
I understand how you feel. My DH was the same way. It's never enough, never good enough, never kinky enough, etc. We've had a long hard slog through ML hell. We're in a better place now, he's acknowleging my efforts, and I'm no longer turning myself inside out to accomodate him. I don't know how we got to this place, I spent a lot of years miserable, and he refused to budge until recently. Something in HIS mindset changed. And I'll be forever grateful for whatever brought that change about. I still don't enjoy sex, and I wish I could, but I can offer it to him and deal with the rest. We still have moments where he gets irritated or frustrated that things aren't just like he'd want them to be, but they are just moments, and they pass. Good luck to you!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2012
Fri, 04-06-2012 - 12:45pm
Yep, this is what every ll person dreds, that the more sex we give the more the hl will push the envelope for more variety, quantity etc. At least that is what I fear, that with every day we take a break he is silently stewing. What they need to realize is this, we are extending ourselves to please them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2012
Fri, 04-06-2012 - 12:48pm
And what they see as "crumbs" we see as acts of love that we are doing to make them feel special.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2009
Fri, 04-06-2012 - 2:40pm
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Fri, 04-06-2012 - 3:08pm
TG, no I don't really get turned on reading them. What I am reading I read for the storylines, not the eroticiscm (sp?) Yes, I used to enjoy sex with my DH very much. Now I don't. Changes started out with me, then he reacted badly to them, which caused me to have a lot of anxiety tied to sex, which of course made it less pleasurable. That damage is done now. I cannot turn off the inner chatter which makes me less likely to be able to enjoy sex, even if physiologically I might be able to (which I am not sure I could...) Huge mess all around!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Fri, 04-06-2012 - 3:27pm

<< I have to tell ya, THAT was a real turn OFF!

I told him that it is a bit annoying that the more sex I give him the more he wants. >>

I believe you told us ('ya') the better response that you should have told him.

Once a HL realizes that the sex he really/usually wants is that which is given freely and without duress and the best way to get that is to be encouraging, both parties end up in a better position.

That's the message that needs to get through to him, if not both of you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Fri, 04-06-2012 - 4:11pm

Yes, I'm uneasy with aspects of the OP because it seems polarising to me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Fri, 04-06-2012 - 4:31pm
mol, although I know it is polarising and wrong to compare your sex life to other people's, I don't know where in the world you are getting this: "I also suspect he may be pushing for more because he's concerned you'll wind him back to "once or twice a month". Where did the poster ever say they'd been at once or twice a month or that she planned to take it there? She clearly states they have it about 3x per week. That sounds pretty good imo. I know, I know, it's NOT pretty good, if her H wants it every day! Whatever! I'm here to tell you this is the real world. You can want whatever you want, but the world is what it is, life happens, you can't always get what you want. I think she IS doing pretty good by her H if she's having sex with him 3x per week. If he doesn't feel that way, well, he should look around that big ole world and see if thinks he can do better over the long haul with someone else. Odds are, he won't.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Fri, 04-06-2012 - 4:33pm

Oh, no the OP didn't say that, I was projecting what he might think or fear.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Fri, 04-06-2012 - 4:36pm
but why would he have any reason to think or fear that, if she's giving him what he wants as often as she is? it doesn't make any sense!!

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