My husband is ignoring me

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2010
My husband is ignoring me
30
Wed, 07-14-2010 - 10:15am

My husband and I have 3 beautiful children and have been married about 5 years.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2010
Wed, 07-14-2010 - 10:20am
And I went to bed alone last night and he never even bothered to come to bed until after the All Star game.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2004
Wed, 07-14-2010 - 11:44am

What may be happening here is that he has turned down his libido toward you due to the dry spells, rejections, and disappointment with your sex life together. Once it is off, it is very hard to turn it back on.

Your efforts are commendable but you should talk to him and tell him that you recognize that things have not been so good between you and what you plan on doing about it. Get him on board with your plan. Don't just spring this on him. He's likely to think it will be like the last time: a once in a while thing to appease him and then you'll go back to nothing.

I wish all LLs were as willing as you are to work at it. You just have to work WITH him on it, too.




Edited 7/14/2010 12:44 pm ET by magnaniman
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Wed, 07-14-2010 - 1:17pm
...could be a lot of things...how often did one of you turn the other down in the past?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2010
Wed, 07-14-2010 - 2:22pm
Honestly, I can only remember a couple of times where I turned him down. We would have sex about once a week since we had kids. The problem is that I was not initiating it. Also, neither of us are overly affectionate people, so I'm sure that is contributing to the struggle as well as the fact that he is super laid back. I really feel like I turned a corner sending him the pics and making efforts and I'll probably just have to stay on top of my game. I even sent him another text today (we don't see each other during the day) and asked if he would spend the afternoon with me on his day off. He was a little cold to it. I can't believe I'm having to beg my own husband for attention. Thank you for your response though. I do see how he could feel like I'm just trying to keep him off of my back and that my efforts will disappear. I'm really just searching for something to knock his socks off, and that's not an easy task.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Wed, 07-14-2010 - 2:43pm

Maybe you could ask him what his idea of initiating is. This has been a problem with my DH, I couldn't figure out what in his mind constituted initiating. I didn't know if it was enough to grab his wanger when he came to bed, or if he wanted me to sit in his lap while we watched tv or if I was supposed to leave him a note in the morning that said "let's have sex tonight" or WHAT?! You'd be amazed what different people think counts as an attempt to initiate.

roo and snowy siggie
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2010
Wed, 07-14-2010 - 2:48pm
That's an excellent point. Will do. I also considered the book "The 5 Love Languages". It's pretty clear that men and women communicate and express love and desire differently.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2008
Wed, 07-14-2010 - 4:03pm

"It's pretty clear that men and women communicate and express love and desire differently."

Be careful with generalizations like this. If you start hanging around on this board you will soon see that men and women are all just individuals.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2010
Wed, 07-14-2010 - 4:27pm

This was also an issue in my relationship. I'm a fairy upfront person, so if I'm feeling a bit frisky in the morning I'd actually mention that I'd like to have sex later in the day.

Avatar for holdingontoit
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Wed, 07-14-2010 - 4:56pm

>>>>> I'm really just searching for something to knock his socks off, and that's not an easy task. <<<<<


You are making this harder than it needs to be.

When you see it coming, duck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Thu, 07-15-2010 - 1:46pm
..."wanger"...hahahahahahahahahaaaa

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