New Here, Really Need Some Support

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2006
New Here, Really Need Some Support
28
Sat, 05-29-2010 - 11:02am

I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2003
Sat, 05-29-2010 - 12:29pm
He needs some counseling and you may benefit from this too. If nothing else it will give you some coping skills. As a male I cannot fathom why any man does not like receiving oral sex, but I am sure there are experts out there who can diagnose the why. Get some coping skills now before this turns into something bigger. Speaking from the experience of no sex for three years. Once you can turn this around things can only get better. I do beleive that better sex is always good. Me I continue to seek the any sex. Good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Sat, 05-29-2010 - 12:48pm

This is something you need to take into serious consideration and decide if he's someone you want to spend the rest of your life with.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003
Sat, 05-29-2010 - 5:47pm

If your goal is to change him (or see him change), I wholeheartedly agree with Tish that this is a very low-odds prospect. He's told you that he doesn't enjoy sex or "get" why it's so compelling to other people. Believe him. Don't spend too much energy trying to figure out why. There isn't necessarily anything "wrong" with him, in the sense of a specific biological imbalance or psychological blockage that can be fixed. If sex is important to you, and it sounds like it is, then this isn't the guy for you, no matter how much he turns you on. A one-way street gets old after a while when your destination is in the opposite direction.

JMHO Freelance




Edited 5/29/2010 5:48 pm ET by freelancemomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2006
Sat, 05-29-2010 - 7:29pm

Sounds like it is time to find a new boyfriend now that you understand where he is coming from.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Sun, 05-30-2010 - 3:27am

Another side of it is that he says that when he ejaculates, he rarely has an orgasm.


I think there may be some confusion of terminology here. Either that or we're talking about nocturnal emissions. Ejaculation, as far as I know, requires something like contractions from the prostate to the tip of the

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2009
Sun, 05-30-2010 - 7:30am
Agree wholeheartedly. If/when you split up....try and do so without ranker, He not Bad, Wrong, Mean.....just incompatible in a way that is to deep, making it impossible to bridge the gap between you. To make it work you don't need to be on the same page sexually, but you do have to at least be reading the same book.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Sun, 05-30-2010 - 10:54am

It's called sexual anhedonia, in males it's also known as

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2010
Tue, 06-15-2010 - 8:50am

I agree with Freelance here in that you shouldn't go putting all your money on him magically changing over time. That's who he is, and if it isn't alright with you then maybe you should move on to someone who you DO love 100% for the person he is.

It's actually quite insulting when people respond to questions such as yours with "he needs to go to counselling". I'm sure if he read it himself he would be quite shocked. If you hated chocolate, do you think he would send you to counselling? It's exactly the same. He doesn't like doing something that you love to do quite frequently, and you want to send him to counselling? Rediculous. And quite offensive.

Please do not jump on the "chip away at him over time and maybe we can break him" bandwagon that seems to be the way to deal with it these days. The bottom line is, you don't get together in a partnership with someone JUST TO CHANGE THEM. You love them the way they are. So if he isn't up to your expectations then show a little respect and have an amicable parting of ways.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Wed, 06-16-2010 - 7:56am
...if eating chocolate turned her man on and she had asked to him to not eat chocolate with anyone else, she should go to counseling or seek some sort of compromise with him...or, suggest he eat chocolate with other people so she doesn't have to stretch out of her comfort zone and eat it with him...

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Wed, 06-16-2010 - 1:04pm
I believe chocolate eating with someone else is exactly what Eternity would advocate as a "solution", problem solved, everyone happy.

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