New- seeking insight

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2010
New- seeking insight
2
Thu, 05-06-2010 - 7:41am

I am new to these boards but have enjoyed reading past thread discussions.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003
Thu, 05-06-2010 - 9:24am

Hi there,

From your description so far it doesn't sound like compromise is within easy reach. Have you ever broached the subject of opening up the marriage with your husband?

I suggest a no-blame, solution-oriented approach. Ask for HIS advice on how you should proceed. For example:

I understand why you're not interested in sex now, and possibly for the long term. I don't blame you for any of it.

I can't put aside my sexual and intimacy needs. I've tried, but I just can't. I also don't want to divorce you and break up the family.

Do you have any suggestions for how we might proceed in our marriage, given both our constraints?

If he doesn't take the bait at this point, you've got an opportunity to bring up open marriage yourself.

HTH Freelance

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2010
Sat, 05-08-2010 - 11:47pm
It sound like he has performance anxiety. Women some times will be "dry" when they do want sex. But there are many products that can be used to lubricate. Men on the other hand have to have an erection! Since he is taking Paxil and he even gets an erection it is a wonder. He is most likely knowing of the problem and since there is no answer but expensive ED drugs. This loss of erection is devastating and very frustrating. And sometimes this is inexplicable. I am a male who has had this happen. Many women are NOT sympathetic. The expectation for males is always horny. wrong!
Now he needs to comprehend emotionally that his behavior is not acceptable. And that some intimate moments are part of the job. As far as finding a lover. That is fairly easy esp with the NSA part. Just tell him that you will get you needs met. When he rejects you just say "i guess i will have to get a lover. Start going to bodybuilding sites join a gym and start getting into "bikini shape" as they say. My guess is this will start to get him off the couch. Many male react to the thought of a rival. If no then an open relationship can be a blessing.

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