Newspaper Columnist's Advice Re. ML

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2009
Newspaper Columnist's Advice Re. ML
6
Thu, 01-13-2011 - 5:17pm
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2004
Great advice!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Mon, 01-17-2011 - 12:36am

I like it! (The advice that is...not the situation.)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009

...I think a good practice is probably to listen to one's head...unfortunately most of us are ruled by our hormones...we are chemically induced to overlook the bad and hope for the best in the beginning a relationship...often, a sexual relationship does not hit it's descent until after marriage when there is a great possibility of having children and mortgages thrown in the mix...I don't know that I would counsel one that is feeling apprehensive about marriage to back out...cold feet is common...but, when the apprehension is brought on by a real concern (the frequency of sex, a fiancé's tendency to embellish or change the truth...a differences of religion, money, or child rearing) then the apprehension should be minded...nothing is made better by real life stress...the early years are meant as a foundation building time...build a foundation of trust, love, emotional attachment, and an environment of caring for the emotional/sexual needs of both partners so that later when there are sick parents, financial woes, children, professional problems, sickness of one or both partners, the foundation is there and can be used as a means to hold up the problem years...just my opinion...if a partner early on is unwilling to compromise, get out...it won't be made better by real life stress...if a partner turns to name calling "you are so immature" "you are a sex addict" "you are frigid" the situation won't be made better by real life stress...now, if someone can just bottle the cynicism of "the second time around" so that the 'first time around"-ers can drink it...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
>>It sounds to me like you chose wisely (i.e., with your heart and head) but turned out to be wrong (in terms of the result, not your decision-making process). Sometimes stuff just happens<<

Also something to remember is that we make these selections in our lives based on incomplete data. There's plenty we don't know and cannot know in the beginning of a relationship. We cannot know the ways in which we might change. We cannot know the ways in which our partners might change. We cannot know things our partner may not be disclosing (either intentionally or unintentionally.) You do the best you can with the information you've got. Sometimes that doesn't work out the way you thought it would. Sometimes you can adapt and make the best of it, sometimes you can't.