No foreplay~only 4 Orgasms in 1 1/2 yrs..huh!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2011
No foreplay~only 4 Orgasms in 1 1/2 yrs..huh!
70
Mon, 02-21-2011 - 9:40pm

What is going on with my BF of a 1 1/2yrs. We are both in our early 50's..he is 4 yrs younger.

I have only had maybe 3-4 times an orgasm in almost 2 yrs and I am frustrated with him in that dept.

He hardly does any foreplay at all and the last time he has done any oral was before Christmas and we are now in Feb. I told him at least twice now that I need more longer foreplay and to enjoy my body and get to know it, but instead he just does the same thing, a couple of rubs and thats it and hes ready to jump on..I give him alot of oral and I have also backed off as well..its the same ole thing.

I am sooo bored with not being on the same page and its becoming very ackward in bed.

He does have some ED, which he takes pills for at times. But its not just about him and I told him that. Its like he rushes through it. He doesnt try and get me off.

He is wonderful in every other way except that and then I look at well is that everything in life at my age because everything else is so good..and he wants to get married, but i cant get married unless it gets better in that dept.

Am I being silly here, but i just dont know what to do...its not sinking in...and yes he says he loves sex...but he doesnt have a clue what he is doing in foreplay...HELP!!! What should i do..

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2007
Tue, 02-22-2011 - 2:24am

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Tue, 02-22-2011 - 5:11am

...if you are still in need of getting to know your body, that's your responsibility...you get to know it when the boyfriend isn't even around...and, when you're fairly comfortable with what you like and how you like it...share it with him...tell him with concrete words like "I want you to rub this particular spot like this or that for this amount of time"...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2011
Tue, 02-22-2011 - 7:28am

Yes, we have both been in other relationships and have been married.

What I meant by getting to know my body is: I know my body very well, I want him to know my body because every woman is different with different "hot" buttons.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2004
Tue, 02-22-2011 - 11:32am

I have talk about this topic at least three times and he mentioned toys, but i dont want that, I want him to do it.

You are going to have to compromise a bit here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2007
Tue, 02-22-2011 - 1:06pm
" I want him to do it. " You are pressurising him to do something which he either doesnt want to for whatever reason or its not his cup of tea.

If he always has a reason to NOT do , its not going to change, especially at this age.

Its for you to make a decision and be happy with it.
Avatar for holdingontoit
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Tue, 02-22-2011 - 2:17pm
Agree in part and disagree in part. ED does not explain why he refuses to use his fingers and tongue to bring her pleasure. He should be willing to put in the time she needs to orgasm.

I agree that if he has ED, he may need to hurry up and get in when things are working. I had this conversation with my wife last week. She wants me to move slowly in the bedroom. I explained to her that at my age, we only have about a 10 or 15 second "use it or lose it" window - so I have to move rapidly. Once I am inside, we can return to a more leisurely pace. Just one of the joys of aging.

When you see it coming, duck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2011
Tue, 02-22-2011 - 4:56pm

I agree with you that. He can use his fingers and tongue...in pleasing me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2010
Tue, 02-22-2011 - 7:36pm

Avatar for purp2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2010
Thu, 02-24-2011 - 1:10am
I'm thinking he means she uses the toys by herself.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2011
Thu, 02-24-2011 - 3:55pm

that is exactly what he means~he really doesnt have a clue on what he is doing in foreplay...I am starting to wonder if he knows what it means when i say it....because he wanted to do it out in the living room and I thought "all right :) " well he massaged my back to get me going "and that was it" then he bent me over the sofa...I WAS SO DISAPPOINTED. i asked him after wards that it would have been nice to have more foreplay and he responded that he did...he gave me a back massage...WTH!!! Am i dealing with someone that is not with the program

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