OK, I gotta question here....

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2000
OK, I gotta question here....
32
Mon, 08-20-2012 - 9:08am

I'm in the middle of a divorce, been alone for over 2 years now, and I've had it, so I've decided to start dating again.  At what point should I maybe mention that I have a pretty high grade sex drive?  The last time I dated I was 23 and everyone was horny all the time, but now I'm going to probably be dating some men in their 30's and 40's, and I hear rumors that there's a lot of men that age that don't want to have sex all the time.  My STBX is bipolar, so he would swing back and forth from hypersexual to asexual at the drop of a dime, which is pretty confusing, though not as traumatic as the rest of it.  Also, does anyone have any insight into just HOW I'm supposed to find someone who both loves to have sex AND is not A) crazy B) doesn't only wants a sexual relationship and C) will not think I'm a slutty mess???  It's maybe a little more awkward for a woman because everyone just expects men to want to have sex all the time, while people tend to think women are doing men a favor.  It's so weird!!

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Avatar for holdingontoit
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Thu, 08-30-2012 - 10:02am
Hear hear. Be yourself. The worst part of my marriage was when I tried to be someone I am not, and hid who I am from Mrs. Hold. Now I mostly am who I am. Not who she wants, and that hurts, but at least I am not "in the closet" about who I am. Which hurt more.

When you see it coming, duck!

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Thu, 08-30-2012 - 1:39pm

Evil & hold are oh so right.  Be who you are in truth to yourself.  Expect others to be who they really are.  Too many people enter into relationships by way of fraud.  Men do too.  I recall an op who said that she would be his(her fiance) "little porn star" until marriage then she intended to be the LL she really was.  Men who trick themselves into being the proverbial "mink" to win a woman fall into the same mental, emotional,dishonesty. 

   Learn to trust your body's message.  Sometimes it is within us that we have a feeling that something about a person is not "right".  

Goldfish

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2000
Thu, 08-30-2012 - 7:28pm

I've never understood the point of pretending to be anyone other than who I am; it's way too much work and I'm far too lazy to bother with all of that.  Being honest, to me, is a lot easier, cause then I don't have to try to remember anything.  I have enough to do in the course of my day as it is.  What I find frustrating is that people just assume that I'm not being honest or the "real" me, or that I'm "doing them a favor" and don't actually enjoy whatever it is I'm doing.  I guess a lot of men assume that women, all of us, just don't like sex?  Or that I'm just pretending to be interested in sex so that I can make them like me?  It's weird.  Besides, the only games I like are football, Scramble and Words with friends, and the Olympics, lol.

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Fri, 08-31-2012 - 12:14am

"What I find frustrating is that people just assume that I'm not being honest or the "real" me, or that I'm "doing them a favor" and don't actually enjoy whatever it is I'm doing.  I guess a lot of men assume that women, all of us, just don't like sex?  Or that I'm just pretending to be interested in sex so that I can make them like me?"

IMO I think that for many men have been under the "NO" theory.  A woman says no until she allows sex..  If that is the case a male can be off his expectations.   His experience with someone who says yes may have been none existent.  Yes, many women do put up "dating tease".   Some men don't bother trying with out clear signals as they have been conditioned by PCism.

Goldfish

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