One solution?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2013
One solution?
Tue, 01-15-2013 - 6:56pm

The purpose of telling this story is I guess to see how weird and twisted people think my relationship is with my wife? I don’t know I am not complaining or asking for advice, just hoping for feedback.

 I am 48 and my wife is 24, we have been married almost 3 years, she is from SE Asia and works here in the medical profession. I am a little over weight but active enough to do sports (tennis, basketball etc.) with my young wife, we have been very happy. About a year ago my wife asked me if everything was ok, she asked because our sex had dropped from every couple of days to once a week, sometimes less than once a week. We have enjoyed a very wonderful sex life in our time together. My wife really loves sex, but she likes really passionate, almost rough sex, and that is not for me, I like things slow and romantic.

 I was thinking about my wife and her life having chosen to marry me so young, she had limited sex experience before me. One day after sex she admitted to me that she had a dream that she was having sex with Tom Brady! We talked about it in detail and it was exciting, even for me.

 To make a long story short, I met a younger man (29) through a work luncheon, and somehow got to know him personally. Over a period of a few weeks he told me (via email) about his marital woes and for some reason I told him about my wife wanting a lot more sex than I could provide her (the opposite of his problem.)  So an idea developed, having very open communication with my wife, I asked her if she would be interested in having sex with my new friend? This was very upsetting to my wife, but a few weeks later she asked me if I was really serious? After several conversations (listening to my theory on humans and monogamy) my wife decided she would at least meet my friend the next time we had lunch.

 Fast forward to today, for the past 10 or 11 months my wife and the young gentleman have been meeting for sex. First it was about every other week, now it has slipped to once a month. They both enjoy crazy wild sex, the kind that I don’t.

 We did create a few rules to keep us safe from STD’s or someone getting hurt (emotionally). My relationship and sex life with my wife has only improved. I feel secure in my relationship with my wife and that our marriage is not threatened in any way, my wife seems very grateful for allowing her this “extra curriculum activity” she calls it.

I feel we are extremely honest with each other, and love each other very much. As long as everyone is comfortable I suspect this will go on for quite some time, I don’t know?

 Yes, the young Gentleman is cheating on his wife, but honestly I feel like that is between him and his wife not my concern.

 So are we crazy? What are your thought?


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 01-17-2013 - 10:41am

I think that most people would not be able to tolerate this as a solution because of the jealousy factor.  Of course there are people who are "polyamorous" who are in open relationships. I think you certainly take the risk that your DW is going to become emotionally involved w/ this guy as well as having sex--it's going along ok for now but she might decide she'd rather be with the young guy who wants a lot of sex rather than with the older guy who doesn't.  Oh and what if she became pregnant?