OT--I've about had it

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
OT--I've about had it
25
Tue, 05-17-2011 - 4:22pm

Okay, I am definitely off topic..and I'm probably venting, but I gotta get it out.

We are in the process of building/having built a small addition on our house.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Tue, 05-17-2011 - 6:51pm

...tell him exactly what you've told us...that you're tired, you need more rest...you need to work and you need to take care of the part of your home that you can right now...he fired the contractor, so he needs to take care of that on his own....quick question though...why is he waiting until the evening time to go to Home Depot/Lowes???...can he peruse during the day to his heart's content??...or, is this simply a matter of he sleeps much later and by the time he gets going, you're coming home so the two of you go out to eat and then to look at stuff for the addition?....(Miranda, to be honest, I don't think you have an option here..without making things worse...)...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2010
Tue, 05-17-2011 - 6:56pm

Z made some good suggestions. Though knowing what you've shared about your DH's temperment anything is likely to be taken negatively. However, you can state that you are tired and need rest, the house is a mess and you need to clean, and so you will not be perusing all the home improvement stores.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2007
Wed, 05-18-2011 - 12:51am

I had to do this once with my current SO. We remodeled our bathroom. I would totally freak out if I was doing what you're doing now! I went to the store once, he gave me choices that he had narrowed down (after weeks of running around) and I made the final decision (this one, that one, I don't like it, can we leave now, I don't care).

So how involved do you have to be in this project? Seriously...a small addition? Unless the addition is for an office (for you) or a walk in closet (for you) or a place for the tanning bed (for you) I would step back from the whole thing. 'Honey, you know I suck at swinging a hammer and it seems like I'm just in the way. It looks like you've got everything under control. ~drop dirty tools, dust off., stretch~. I'm going to go get a latte before I tackle the laundry. Do you want one? No? K I'll be right back. Mwah'

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2009
Wed, 05-18-2011 - 5:52am
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Wed, 05-18-2011 - 8:55am
Z, he is getting up each day not long after I am gone, so it is not that he is better rested than I am. He is manic or something. That's the best explanation I can come up with for the fact that he's only sleeping 4-5 hours at a time and still running around like a puppy on expresso. I think the worst of the running around to supply stores is done. I've selected everything there is to be selected and we are already overbudget, so we cannot afford to buy much more!

My real frustration was with his WORDS. I know the overtired thing is something I am going to have to manage, and is temporary (hopefully)

Thanks for your support and for verifying that I'm not lazy and have a right to be tired....(thats sort of me reading between the lines a bit...maybe not what you were saying at ALL....)
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Wed, 05-18-2011 - 8:59am
The electrician is coming today. All that is left of the framing is to put in the two huge triangular windows. That will happen early next week. However, all the rest of the project has entered the do-it-yourself mode. He/we will have to shingle, put up the siding, install the isnulation, trim out the windows, do the drywall, flooring, and painting. I am tentatively thinking that could take us the better part of 3 weeks or a month.

I'm really more concerned about what he SAID than the other parts, as I noted in my reply to Z. I don't know how to respond to his whole "that's not important" spiel. I need a glib reply to that so I don't cut him into little pieces and throw him in the river the next time he says it. On a positive note, he didn't say it yesterday at all, and he went to the store while I vacuumed the floors and made dinner!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Wed, 05-18-2011 - 9:06am
>>So how involved do you have to be in this project? Seriously...a small addition? Unless the addition is for an office (for you) or a walk in closet (for you) or a place for the tanning bed (for you) I would step back from the whole thing. 'Honey, you know I suck at swinging a hammer and it seems like I'm just in the way. It looks like you've got everything under control. ~drop dirty tools, dust off., stretch~. I'm going to go get a latte before I tackle the laundry. Do you want one? No? K I'll be right back. Mwah'<<

Lolol....love this suggestion. It would never fly, but love it anyways! It is a 4 season room which is really being built because I want it. We live on a riverbank, with wild wetlands across the river and I never sit and enjoy it because of the heat/weather/bugs. So we are building a 16' x 26' 4 season room with a separate heat/airconditioning unit and a 5 -6 person hot tub. I wanted a place to sit and drink coffee and watch the birds in all kinds of weather. I do appreciate that he wants me to pick out and have what I want decor-wise, and luckily we are done making those decisions, so it should get better from here in regards to shopping. But as you will se in my replies to the others, the actual WORK is just beginning.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Wed, 05-18-2011 - 9:12am
>>Suffering from sleep deprivation left me yawning all of the time, left my mind in a fog, left me with no energy. I don't want to sound as if I'm exaggerating, but it almost felt as if I were dying a slow death. <<

Yes, I know exactly what you mean about sleep. I was so exhausted when my thyroid was failing I felt just as you describe....I was slowly and steadily dying! I've recounted before on this board that my psychiatrist told me that the single most beneficial thing I can do to manage my illness is to get adequate rest (which for me is a minimum of 8 hours per night.) I love to sleep. It is easily my most favorite activity. DH knows all of this, but when he is in manic mode like this, he tends to forget.

Sooner or later I will HAVE to get a full nights sleep. My body will just force it to happen. And for the most part, no he isn't waking me for sex at this point (or not much) because HE'S too tired! It's nice to know even he will reach a point of "too tired to have sex."

This is all temporary. This too shall pass. I just need to keep on keeping on. It will all be worth it in the end!
Avatar for holdingontoit
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Wed, 05-18-2011 - 1:02pm

So instead of making this a 3 or 4 week project, make it an all summer project. Only work on

When you see it coming, duck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Wed, 05-18-2011 - 1:07pm
>>So instead of making this a 3 or 4 week project, make it an all summer project. Only work on iy one weekend day instead of both. Sleep late the other day and get your household chroes done. Will take longer to finish, but will allow you to retain your sleep and sanity.<<

this is a fantastic idea, but he will never go for it.

>>And when he says something does not matter, say "thanks your highness, I didn't realize". <<

THIS is what I was looking for...but perhaps a little less snarky....lol

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