OT but, is this wrong??

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
OT but, is this wrong??
70
Mon, 09-13-2010 - 12:14pm

Okay, this has nothing to do with ML, but it is part of my daily frustration with DH, and I have no where to go with it, so I am coming here to ask my friendly marital advice experts.

This weekend we had a very long tough time, we photographed a wedding on Saturday which had us both on our feet for pretty much 10 hours straight. Then errands/shopping on Sunday for several hours. When we came home Sunday, I kicked off my new sandals (he bought them for while we were shopping, very nice, expensive and comfortable, but honestly, my feet and legs were KILLING ME) and put laundry in the machine and sat down on the bed with my feet up. We discussed how tired we were and how his back hurt, and my feet and legs hurt, etc. Some time after this he went into the kitchen to get a drink (I guess I should have been happy he got it himself instead of asking me for it,) and hollered through the house for me. I got up, went into the kitchen and he says "the dog is messing with your new shoes, you better put them up before he eats them." I looked at him and said quietly "you know, if those were your shoes, I would have just taken care of it."

He pitched a FIT! Started ranting about how next time he won't bother to let me know, and how I don't appreciate what he does, etc etc etc.

Was I wrong? Did I say it wrong? WTF happened there?






Edited 9/13/2010 12:19 pm ET by mirandarr8

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Mon, 09-13-2010 - 2:40pm

I looked at him and said quietly "you know, if those were your shoes, I would have just taken care of it."



Here's a rule of thumb that I use and find extremely effectivel. If there is ANY chance that something is or could end up

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Mon, 09-13-2010 - 2:52pm

Seriously??? jeezus, that's a lot of work for what was a simple request for consideration. I should have just skipped it, kept my thoughts to myself and resented the fact that he doesn't give two s*%ts about whether or not I am resting or hurting.

roo and snowy siggie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2009
Mon, 09-13-2010 - 2:55pm

"you know, if those were your shoes, I would have just taken care of it."

Somehow in his twisted way...he feels that just isn't true.....
I'd suspect somewhere your just talking past one another...missing the kernel of personal truth in each others statements.....been there done that....one of the most annoying aspects of a long term relationship.....your sure they get your meaning....but their effectively speaking/understanding it as a different language.






Edited 9/13/2010 2:56 pm ET by trey1963
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Mon, 09-13-2010 - 3:20pm

True, that's a lot of work but is it more than the usual fight that follows?



Also, anything of value worth attaining is also worth working for, no?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Mon, 09-13-2010 - 3:26pm
...glenn, pray tell...how many times have you dealt with Miranda's husband?...how can you possibly think that "phrasing" it differently might help???...
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Mon, 09-13-2010 - 3:27pm

>>True, that's a lot of work but is it more than the usual fight that follows?<<

See, but no fight followed. I stood there while he had his little fit, then walked away. Best case scenario though in this case would be (exactly what it turns out to be in almost every case for me) keep my damn mouth shut and my opinions to myself.

>>Also, anything of value worth attaining is also worth working for, no?<<

Yes, but I am dealing with two things right now on this front. First, is it even worth having? Second, while it may be worth fighting for, it's not worth being emotionally beaten up for, when I never seem to be able to land a punch. I'm out of my weight class.

roo and snowy siggie
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Mon, 09-13-2010 - 3:37pm

See, but no fight followed.



Okay, but what about the residual time and energy devoted to the avoided conflict?



First, is it even worth having? Second, while it may be worth fighting for, it's not worth being emotionally beaten up for, when I never seem to be able to land a punch. I'm out of my weight class.



This isn't about the stronger fighter but the one who goes about

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Mon, 09-13-2010 - 3:48pm

Never, but I've known/seen/worked with the type and some are redeemable and some aren't.



Speaking as a manager, fire the unredeemables and hire someone in their place that is less likely to do the same.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Mon, 09-13-2010 - 4:10pm
...she's not his manager...one relates entirely different with a boss versus a spouse...most of us put our best foot forward with our bosses...
Avatar for holdingontoit
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Mon, 09-13-2010 - 4:12pm

He tried to be helpful.

When you see it coming, duck!

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