The Other Side of the Story

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2009
The Other Side of the Story
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Thu, 06-24-2010 - 4:52pm

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2009
Thu, 06-24-2010 - 10:10pm

That would be impossible for me to do. dh said "I'm not happy, I want a divorce," and then we didn't see him for dust. I had no idea he was unhappy, so how could I describe things from his point of view? We used to be very happy together, and as far as I knew we were still fine after more than 24 years. I didn't get the memo that everything had turned to dust in his mind.


I think writing out "The Other Side" would be an easier task for someone whose spouse has spoken about their feelings. I could speculate about dh's interior life, but no way could I guess what really happened. He got really wierd in the last six months; he never explained what was going on. All I can tell you is that he was pursuing women on the Internet. He left some messages

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Thu, 06-24-2010 - 10:27pm
...I have a good idea what the other side of the story was...as he told me what he needed and wanted and how neglected he felt and he left behind a considerable amount of correspondence from his girlfriend...and, from reading her words he pretty much had been up front with me...he wanted a wife that wanted to spend time with him (not just sex)...he wanted a wife that wanted to connect with him emotionally and physically (not just sex)...he felt starved of affection and sexual fulfillment...he felt like a human pay check...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2009
Fri, 06-25-2010 - 9:52am

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2009
Fri, 06-25-2010 - 10:01am
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Fri, 06-25-2010 - 10:47am
...unfortunately, I spent the years of my first marriage treating my husband as though he were the reason I didn't want to have sex with him...as it turned out, I was right but in a different way...the problem wasn't that I was too stressed out ( I was a stay at home mother of one children with little to no money worries and hours to pursue whatever activities I wanted to pursue...I've always been a very anal house keeper, so it never gets out of hand...he was handsome, physically fit, and successful...it turned out that I just wasn't attracted to him...which meant I didn't want to have sex with him...which meant that spending time and emotional energy on him would lead to him trying to initiate sexual relations which I didn't want to have with him...I am very attracted to my current husband...I haven't lost that attraction...I am, though...still the LL...

Avatar for holdingontoit
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Fri, 06-25-2010 - 11:54am

I don't have time to write as eloquently as you did.

When you see it coming, duck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Fri, 06-25-2010 - 3:35pm

Let's see, the most recent version goes something

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2009
Fri, 06-25-2010 - 8:40pm

I agree that it's difficult to describe things from our partner's point of view when he/she hasn't verbalized his/her feelings, but surely after 24+ years of marriage, you can guess what his complaints would be.


I've given this some thought based on what his hot buttons have been over the years. Channeling dh:


"I'm a really relaxed and easygoing guy. I don't like to think about doing anything unless and until I absolutely have to. For example, my wife

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2009
Fri, 06-25-2010 - 9:37pm
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Fri, 06-25-2010 - 10:20pm
...actually...others have asked overcaff what her part in the divorce might have been and she's pretty consistently claimed zero responsibility...

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