Physical libido vs. emotional libido

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2008
Physical libido vs. emotional libido
18
Thu, 07-15-2010 - 5:14am

Emotionally, I would prefer to have sex with my partner every single day. It makes me feel loved, I get energy and it lifts my mood. I feel close to my partner. There is nothing that can really replace all of the things sex gives me on an emotional level, though any skin-to-skin contact helps.

Physically, however, I only crave it 1 time a week or so.

I am therefore the most comfortable with sex 2-4 times a week. That way I can still reach orgasm most times and emotionally I am satisfied.

Does anyone else have this split and feel like they sort of have to compromise with themselves as well as their partner? ;)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2009
Thu, 07-15-2010 - 7:32am
I think I know exactly what you mean by emotional and physical libido. I am LL. Emotionally once a week to ten days is more than enough for me to feel close to my bf and be completely happy. Physically...
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Thu, 07-15-2010 - 11:18am
...me too...love the closeness, bonding, emotional lovey-dovey-ness that comes from having sex with my husband that results from having sex everyday with him...sexually (physically) 3-4 times a week is more than enough...
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2008
Wed, 07-21-2010 - 9:22am

Glad it wasn't just me being weird ;)

I think we've found out that my partner's physical libido is actually higher than mine, but since he doesn't need sex to feel loved/wanted/de-stressed, he will easily wait it out and not prioritize it when other things are on his mind. He will, however, never reject me and he will always enjoy it greatly and orgasm. I will always prioritize sex and even more so at stressful/difficult times (because it is the only thing that really fulfills my needs), but I will be satisfied even if I am just serving him or not orgasming myself.

Sex drive is such a complicated matter... Who knew.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003
Wed, 07-21-2010 - 11:30am

I have virtually no emotional libido. Conversation and nonsexual touching fulfill all my needs for emotional closeness with my DH. Physically, I crave orgasm perhaps once a week (though this varies widely depending on the week, and after coming off antidepressants I seem to have a "rebound" libido and crave orgasm every day).

Freelance

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2008
Wed, 07-21-2010 - 11:57am

"Conversation and nonsexual touching fulfill all my needs for emotional closeness with my DH."

While I intellectually realize some people feel this way, it is still shocking to hear every time. I sort of want to go: "Really? Are you sure you're fulfilled?". It's like hearing someone tell me they are full all day from just eating jelly.

(Though I am not comparing having no emotional libido to being ridiculous.)

Human nature is fascinating.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Wed, 07-21-2010 - 12:07pm

I can really echo FLM's response here. Yes, really...sex does not make me feel emotionally closer, it just doesn't. And feeling emotionally closer doesn't make sex better for me either, quite the opposite.

I'm broken...

roo and snowy siggie
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2008
Wed, 07-21-2010 - 12:12pm
You are not broken. Don't ever say that about yourself. You are different from me and some other people. So what? :)
Avatar for holdingontoit
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Wed, 07-21-2010 - 1:41pm
Au contraire.

When you see it coming, duck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2008
Wed, 07-21-2010 - 3:04pm
I strongly disagree.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2010
Wed, 07-21-2010 - 4:52pm

I'm like Miranda and FLM.

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