Poll: How long before you get crabby?

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Poll: How long before you get crabby?
10
Thu, 04-03-2003 - 9:24am
The discussion down below prompted me to ask this question:

How long can you go without any sexual contact before you start to come unglued and become cross?

LL'ers, is there a time frame that this happens or do you begin to feel uncomfortable at a certain point?

Is your SO aware of the time frame and do they make any "pre-emptive" strikes to ward of the crabbiness?

My answers: (I will post them here, instead of replying in a separate thread, b/c of this cursed format)

I can go 3 days and then start to feel edgy. After a week goes by, I start to get crabby with my spouse and kids. After two weeks goes by, I admit to being unbearable. The funny thing is, after 2 weeks I start to get used to it and it doesn't bother me as much.

Yes, my dh is well aware of the 3 day time frame (he is the one, in fact, who brought it to my attention) but I don't think that he forces himself to do anything differently--if he feels like sex, we have it and if he doesn't, we don't.

Oh, and one more thing....this question is not "How long do you normally go before you let your crabbiness show" but how long before you feel that edginess start to creep in, regardless of whether your SO knows about it or not.

Come on everybody, I want to hear your answers!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2003
Thu, 04-03-2003 - 10:06am
How long can you go without any sexual contact before you start to come unglued and become cross?

2 hours? lol That is when I seriously start wanting it again. Actually depending on the quality issue of the last time, I can go a day without seriously wanting it again. Two days before I think about initiating again. I usually start to get crabby on the third day. This also all depends on what else is happening in our lives at the time. If we have been busy, but happy and stress free I can go a little longer. If I under a lot of stress, I get crabbier quickly. It also depends on how much outside stuff is turning me on, as if I have seen him naked a lot, or a movie has sparked something inside, etc. I have never went longer than three weeks without, but I do not notice that the longer it is I think about it less, actually the longer it is, the MORE I obsess about it.

Is your SO aware of the time frame and do they make any "pre-emptive" strikes to ward of the crabbiness?

He is somewhat aware of the time frame. He has told me I have a Jeckell Hyde thing going when I do not get sex. I have not noticed that he does anything different, but I could be wrong about that.

Jen
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-03-2003 - 10:08am
For me I start wanting again in about 24 hours I guess? I start feeling bad about it in 2-3 days. After 3-5 days I can feel the frustration in the rest of my life.

Now that you mention this I wonder if my H is a self punishing HL. LOL He is usually pretty cool for a few days after sex then starts acting a butthead about the same time I notice he's getting hardons in bed again.

Wow, if we could get past his issues and him start making love on his natural, not induced, schedule, we might do very well in the bedroom. But I've thought that for a while. Maybe it would improve things OUTSIDE of the bedroom too because he wouldnt be sexually frustrating HIMSELF.

Amanda


Edited 4/3/2003 11:10:20 AM ET by ace61502

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Registered: 07-09-1998
Thu, 04-03-2003 - 10:25am
Well I feel frustrated in about 2 days and then I start the touching and feeling and groping for the next 3 or 4 days. After that does no good I do the I'll leave him alone and see if he comes to me trick(we all know this doesn't work) by now my self esteem has taken many blows and the depression starts to set in and it's been about 3 weeks and I'm pissed and when I get pissed, he responds. It is like a monthly dance. It was like this for 4 years.

He would take notice a little when I left him alone but it was never enough for him to initiate. DH knows a month is as long as I can go.

We did once go two months without and by then I had made it past the depression stage and was in a state of numb. I think I would have been gone if I had to wait for 3 years. Life is to short for that!

LR

Photobucket
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Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 04-03-2003 - 10:57am
That sure rang a familiar bell. Historically speaking it's been a short timespan here since the last time (2/14), but I'm moving from the depression stage into numb. I too don't know how I survived the multi-year deprivation, but what's making me numb this time is I'm suffused with the realization that I'm not in a CL relationship, strictly speaking: DW isn't LL, she's NL. Sex means nothing to her. It has never meant anything to her. It never will. She is as adventurous and as emotionally invested in me and my enjoyment during sex as she is when scratching my back. Pardon me, but screw that. If I'm going to have meaningless sex with someone, it's going to be with someone who at least values their own pleasure and mine. Even though that mystery date is Rosie Palmer.

I love her but I could just f*cking thrash her for ruining my life.


JJFD

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2003
Fri, 04-04-2003 - 10:36am
This is pretty much my pattern too. My DH is the one who brought it to my attention. He also doesn't seem to respond to it but recognizes it. Since he has brought it to my attention, I'm attempting to not let any crabbiness show. Its been hard and I don't know if I've been successful.

Robin

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2003
Fri, 04-04-2003 - 12:02pm
I have also been trying to not let it show, but thats not working so well. We are on day 4, and hints on day 2 and 3 did nothing. This morning, he definitly knew I was crabby, and definitly knew the reason for it. This was all after our "big breakthoughs" on Monday.

It's endless frustration.

Jen

Jen
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-1998
Fri, 04-04-2003 - 12:20pm
J,

It's friday maybe he'll come through for you tonight and take his viagra and you will get 3 days worth! ;) Keep thinking positive thoughts.

LR

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-04-2003 - 2:42pm
It's now been 14 days for us, the longest spell in our short marriage. I'm now getting to the point I don't care one way or the other. But if he came onto me I don't know if I wouldn't be quick to get aroused still. Hoping not, I want to make it REAL tough for him right now. I'm starting to think revengefully and this is SO not like me!

Amanda


Edited 4/4/2003 3:45:22 PM ET by ace61502

Avatar for tomatoman
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-04-2003 - 4:13pm
Mine is similar to yours. After 3 days, I'm looking for her. If we had full-on intercourse, I think I might be able to go longer, but the sort of handjobs I've been getting don't hold me very long at all. After a week, I'm crabby. after 10 days, I'm thinking "Do your own damned cooking!" I'm basically unmotivated to do anything around the house, and am exceedingly short with her and the children. Which, in turn, makes whatever encounter we do happen to have less effective and enjoyable since I'm plagued by the "Well, I wonder how long I'll have to suffer THIS time?!?" complex.

If I had anything approaching a NORMAL sexlife, I would never have learned this about myself. -- T-man

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 04-06-2003 - 11:29am
It takes me a month.