profound messages in strange places

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
profound messages in strange places
53
Wed, 01-18-2012 - 1:40pm

I am reading one of my guilty pleasures, a series novel about vampires and were-people by Laurell K Hamilton (Anita Blake series, to those familiar with this stuff)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2011
Wed, 01-18-2012 - 2:44pm

Okay, I have never even looked at this board before today, not sure what made me look, but that just really caught my eye. SO is very "motivated" , we are LDR so this has not been an issue and I am not sur what we will be like oif we lived together, but this really puts a different spin on it.

Thank you for sharing it!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2011
Wed, 01-18-2012 - 2:48pm

That pretty much sums it up, Fiction comes from real life experiences.

It really is not about just getting sex to get your rocks off.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Wed, 01-18-2012 - 3:26pm
I totally understand about the feeling "alive" or "like they were young again" NRE has a very profound effect on me as well. I would love to have that feeling, but nothing but NRE does it for me in that way. I cannot get that feeling from anything my long term partner does or does not do. What I never have really been able to wrap my head around is how my sexual limitation and issues are so inherently hurtful to my partner, when I'm allowing him to be with other people. I mean, really, why is so important to him to perform oral on me? Can't he just do it for someone else who might enjoy it? Apparently not....
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2011
Wed, 01-18-2012 - 4:28pm
When you are married for a while or in a relationship for a while the NRE does fade, but there is still passion, and sometimes unfortunately that fades too as time goes on. But I do feel that while yes it is not going to be NRE and constant passion always, but you would think that as in every aspect of a relationship their would be hills and valleys, and not just flat land as far as the eye can see?
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Registered: 10-31-2009
Wed, 01-18-2012 - 5:01pm


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Wed, 01-18-2012 - 5:01pm
71bri, I find that for me (as a LL) passion and NRE fade and it IS flat land as far as the eye can see. They get traded in for that comfortable feeling where you don't have to rush to the bathroom to fart out of hearing range, and you can ask your partner to pick up tampax at the store when you are stuck in bed with monster cramps and a cold. It's not a bad thing, it's just different. There's nothing like that NRE stage for me, and I know that. I know that being in a relationship means I give that up, and I'm willing. What doesn't work is that my partner ISN'T willing/able to give that up in his partner. Apparently it doesn't work for him that way, and the fading doesn't go quite so flat and gray as it does for me. And he's monstrously dissatisfied with my lack of passion, but what in the hell exactly am I able to do about it? I can't manufacture it out of thin air. I can't go to the doctor for a shot or pill for it (although I' DID lie to my doc to get a drug for a condition I don't have hoping that I'd get the side effect of increased libido...didn't work.) He isn't interested in allowing me to sleep with other people (which WOULD create NRE, some of which would spill over onto him.) So I'm pretty much s.o.l. I'm not a satisfying partner to him, and there isn't anything I can do to become one. It doesn't really help to allow him to have other partners either. I've got to either give up the relationship, or fall short and live with the fallout from that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Wed, 01-18-2012 - 5:06pm
TG, I thought the passage would speak to the HLs on this board and I also remembered one of the posters say his wife finally "twigged" when she read something from a work of fiction that made it all come together for her, and brought her to the table to negotiate with a new perspective. I'd come to the table with a new perspective from reading this, but it really doesn't change what I have available to offer. To quote Janis Joplin I feel like this "Didn't I make you feel like you were the only man, well yeah, An' didn't I give you nearly everything that a woman possibly can ? Honey, you know I did!" I've got nothing left to offer him or at least nothing he'll accept. But I still thought it would be worthy to share the passage with the group, because it spoke to me in a way nothing else really has.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010
Wed, 01-18-2012 - 7:57pm
Not a part of this board, just wanted to say I love the Anita Blake series ;)
And yeah, it's one of "those" novels, but it can be surprisingly insightful at times - I know it's made me rethink a few things too.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Thu, 01-19-2012 - 4:44am

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2011
Thu, 01-19-2012 - 9:35am

What is NRE?

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