raising her libido?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2010
raising her libido?
24
Fri, 07-16-2010 - 5:13am
Just wondering, has anybody found a way to raise their wife's libido or has she found a way herself? Has anything ever worked for you at all?
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2006
Fri, 07-16-2010 - 8:01am

For people that have low sex drives, sex is about making a conscientious effort for it to

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2010
Fri, 07-16-2010 - 8:25am
In my case, desire doesn't enter the equation.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Fri, 07-16-2010 - 8:44am

No, no and no. And believe me I've tried. My LL has tortured me for years, and I have tried everything I could to rekindle it. I've tried sex toys, sex games, wine and bubble baths, been to several doctors, taken myself off ALL medications that could be causing LL (including hormonal birth control and anti-anxiety and anti-depressants that I probably still really needed at the time) and even taken some drugs for conditions I DON'T have because they had increased sexual behavior as a side effect.

The only things I have not tried are sex with other men (I have had female partners outside my relationship..no increase there) and illegal drugs. I am pretty sure both these things would work, but they aren't really a good long term solution given that I want to stay in my current relationship.

roo and snowy siggie
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2007
Fri, 07-16-2010 - 11:00am

I'll tell you what my husband could do to make me want sex with him more. I've actually gone to

 


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2004
Fri, 07-16-2010 - 11:24am

Maybe that's not the case with your DH, but I am much more open and willing to do the things you describe for my DW when we are having regular sex. How can you expect him to be lovey-dovey to you when he is sexually frustrated?

It is a chicken and egg dilemma for sure. But I think it is more easily resolvable when the LL pushes themselves to provide more sex in order to get more of the non-sexual affection. The other way around doesn't seem to work as well because the LL has little incentive to provide more sex if they are getting their needs met already.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Fri, 07-16-2010 - 11:32am

It is as hard from the other way around too, don't think it's not. How excited is someone supposed to get about having sex that they don't want for themselves, to serve someone who they see as a rude, self absorbed, only out for their own kicks, sex maniac?

I know that HLs will object to being characterized this way, but this may very well be the face they are showing to the LL. Also, it reeks of conditional love, and some LLs don't feel safe having sex with someone who will only love them conditionally. It feels like the HL is saying "I only love you when you do what I WANT."




Edited 7/16/2010 11:37 am ET by mirandarr8
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Fri, 07-16-2010 - 11:57am

Effectively this is the classicl ML

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2004
Fri, 07-16-2010 - 12:04pm

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I know my wife does not see me that way. Many of the recommendations made here, certainly those I make, can work for those in moderate circumstances. You clearly have an extreme case but that doesn't mean that these things can't work for others.

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I've always felt that romantic love should never be unconditional. I think it's foolish to believe it is or even should be. It's what keeps people in toxic, even dangerous, relationships. There are other types of love that are unconditional but romantic love should not be!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Fri, 07-16-2010 - 12:08pm

romantic love should never be unconditional


I've certainly never wanted it that way from my wife - I want her to be with me because she wants to be, not because she's tied whatever I do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Fri, 07-16-2010 - 12:08pm

But women are raised to look for unconditional love. I bet just about every woman out there is told to "wait to do it until you find someone who loves you and isn't just trying to get in your pants."

I, of course, defied what I was told, but I swung too hard in the other direction, finding sex with someone who loves me to be a little too close for comfort in most cases.

roo and snowy siggie

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